Where Does The Time Go?
When everything was nice and the world seemed safe. There's been a great Friday Night Is Music Night on the radio playing the favourite music of the comedian/presenter/drag artist Paul O'Grady. The interval talk is about great tv series' of the 1960's.They bring back so many memories but also sad one's. The Avengers, The Prisoner, The Baron, Danger man, Randall and Hopkirk, The Saint, where do you stop? We haven't even touched on the US series' that were shown over here.
Sometimes I can feel very strange when I start to think about all that has passed by. Life may have some lovely things about it but I think there is more sadness than happiness and even if you try to remain positive it is difficult. In many ways there really is a lot to be said about not living in the past too much nor looking in the future which we have no idea how long we have. It's best to live for the day. One day it won't matter anyhow...
I think it is more of a problem when you are sensitive in nature it makes you a nicer person but you are susceptible to feeling down, perhaps being more cold has it's advantages but you cannot change who you are.
Sometimes I can feel very strange when I start to think about all that has passed by. Life may have some lovely things about it but I think there is more sadness than happiness and even if you try to remain positive it is difficult. In many ways there really is a lot to be said about not living in the past too much nor looking in the future which we have no idea how long we have. It's best to live for the day. One day it won't matter anyhow...
I think it is more of a problem when you are sensitive in nature it makes you a nicer person but you are susceptible to feeling down, perhaps being more cold has it's advantages but you cannot change who you are.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 9:26 pm
25 Comments:
Yes sometimes it can feel like a curse to be so sensitive Anthony, but then when you do get to meet a kindred spirit,, of which there are still many around, it makes it worth the pain.
Cx
Funny thing time, I have just been reminded that it was a year ago that my daughter, my ex and some friends came to stay with me in Barcelona. A year that seems to me like a few months (as they all seem to be for the last 5 or 10 years)...then I think that it seems such a short year and yet I am only 50 this year...so only 50 of those short years...nothing!
It's really not doing you any good sitting at home all the time brooding, try going out & joining in something .
You're just cooped up in the house with all those negative thoughts going round your head & no one else to talk to !
Anon,
I do go out but I can't stay out for ten or twelve hours at a time, they are natural feelings. Of course I'll feel it having lived in Mum's company and its early days still...
I see things more as Carol suggests.
I'd like to see anyone go out in the weather we've had today. A lot of people like their own company and feel comfortable. And you might have noticed the other day I invited myself onto someone and was there for a couple of hours...
And I am still interested in the internet, radio and music...and still managing to make an effort regarding what I eat.
All positives...
Span you're younger than me! :-(
I agree with Anon.
Your glass is always half empty and always has been. This attitude isn't a new one judging by your blogs from previous years. You are not old by today's standards, and you should try to be more forward thinking instead of thinking how much time you have left......you have good medical care and could be in the same state you are in now for a good few years yet!
Everybody is in the same boat, we are all going to die sometime, but having a life is more important than worrying about dying......
I'm not sure where you got the idea that you've got a sensitive nature, I wouldn't say you were any more sensitive or kinder than the rest of us ! You only seem to be sensitive towards those in the same position as yourself, no other groups in society. I think you're more of a reclusive depressive nature really.Sorry, but that's just how I see it !
I had a happy childhood and have been happy most of my life. A big change has just happened and its still early days. I am feeling different even about Mum.
I know what I have been told by others how they have coped/reacted to the loss of a loved one, we're all different and have to find our own way through it.
I can hardly be bothered to respond.
Not bothered about others in society? Really, I feel it for the elderly, the sick, those on low incomes, not working, the homeless etc...what parts of society do I not care for?
That goes for the other Anon too and no I am not worried about dying...
It is so frustrating all these anons posting so no one knows who we are replying to.
If I am so disliked and have no redeeming qualities why leave comments?
Not going out? As I said the weather is very bad. Who would go out in that. Maybe I feel ok in my own company. I like my music and radio. My computer. I am managing to cook some decent meals.
I visited someone the other day. I am going to that concert in October. Just two examples...
I have been out most days even if just for an hour.
I am very friendly to others and know that I am liked.
I have heard so many stories of how the loss of a loved one affects them.
We all cope differently, some it hits immediately, others it can hit in a couple of years when they feel they've been doing ok. Some need tablets, some counciling.
I see loads of people around here going back to their homes and living alone.
And many are not always going out either because they cannot afford to, do not have access to transport and many do not have family living locally, would you say the same things to them or is it just me?
Do you live alone or do you have family, friends or a partner still?
Things may be very different if/when it happens to you. If it has already, I'm sorry.
I am laying bare my thoughts in my blog so you do know quite a lot about my situation but lets be honest we know very little about some who leave comments.
Oh dear...I have responded when I said I wouldn't, why do I bite? And justify myself?
Note to self...don't do it!
No sweat Anthony......it gives them something to do...so you are doing your bit for society!! x
Thanks :-)
A blog does tend to intensify what you are thinking and make you look at things more deeply. By their nature they probably are more negative than positive and things look different written down.
I think most of us think similar thoughts at some point. Perhaps my blog is my way of letting go.
Gildy x
I was about to go out and pay an unexpected gas bill that dropped on my doormat(they've charged me another £44.68 for the period 24th May-12th June(and I have not had it on during the last few weeks but I'll pay, it will even out eventually.
If it continues like this the quicker I get a duel fuel deal with one of the utility companies and pay by direct debit the better.
That seems high to me for approx 20 days! Or is it?
Just as I decide to go out its started to rain very heavily again, its running down the windows...
As I said earlier if you don't have to go out, who would in weather like this?
It doesn't look very promising for the torch relay tomorrow...
I have a thick fleecy jacket and a baseball cap but not what could be called a raincoat. And I have never bothered with an umbrella.
Can you remember years ago when most people seemed to have a pac-a-mac!
They stopped you getting wet but the trouble was you used to get so hot you ended up sweating! ;-)
Perhaps it would be a good idea to set up a direct debit for your fuel bills.
I have mixed feelings about Anthony here to be honest. His problem, like a lot of families is that he is, I assume, an only child and I think it is unfortunate when parents, for whatever reason, only have one child.
Anthony, I am truly sorry that your mum got cancer and you had to watch what happened to her as a result but these things happen to us all.
In 1968 when I was much younger (now 74) I lost a favourite aunt to cancer of the womb and it affected in a way I cannot describe in words, as we were so close. However as I have grown older and wiser (?) I seem to have less emotion and when my father and mother died I was relieved for them as they were free from their miserable illnesses that plagued their lives.
Of course you're sad your mother has gone but be thankful that she is not suffering any more.
I'm not a religious person and am not a believer and so all the planoply surrounding burials or cremations doesn't move me at all and the where someone's ashes are similarly matters not a jot to me. Both my parents ashes are scattered somewhere in the crematorium's Gardens of Remembrance and that's all I know.
Don't keep on mulling all this over in your head as no good will out of it, to be honest. Try and get on with your life from this point onwards, if that's possible.
Nick
]
Nick,
You talk a lot of sense. And I am more accepting of the situation already. I may not like it but this is how it is...you are giving an opinion, possibly advice but it does not sound critical or as though you are having a go.
A couple of the anons keep telling me I'm a recluse, depressed etc...to get out but you can only do so much of either.
If you in your home you can...read a book, listen to music or the radio, possibly watch tv, possibly do some surfing, cook a meal but isn't that what most people do in their homes.
If you are up to date with your garden and tidying of the house, you cannot do any more.
There is without your own transport a limit where you can go when you go out and most towns you'll just be walking the streets around a housing estate unless you visit your local retail area and perhaps sit on a bench but you need decent weather to do that.
Now I am stating facts but the Anon's on here will say that's me being negative. And I keep being told that I look at my glass as being half empty.
I think that I am doing very well. And I will adapt to the situation as time moves on.
Direct debit is the plan asap and trying to decide who to sign up with...
Very wise words Nick. Perhaps it would have been better if Anthony's parents had encouraged him a little more to go out into the world , make friends , find a partner & make his own life. Perhaps if he'd done that, he wouldn't be finding it so difficult to cope now.
Anthony, buy a mobility scooter, join a club , find a hobby & do a little voluntary work . You'd find your life worth living if you didn't only talk to other people about your problems .
Its still early days and do talk about other things, I don't suddenly collar someone in the street and start discussing what's happened.
I am coping and doing quite well, the worries are likely to be finacial and caused by the Government and housing association.
I've mentioned the problems that voluntary work can cause now...years ago they were ok about doing that kin of thing now yopu cannot do as much and if they think you are ok to do voluntary work they'll penalise in other ways.
They are more stricter these days...If I have to wait until I retire I can always do voluntary wok then. But they keep moving the retirement age back. I think I officially have to work, can't get state pension now until I am 67...
That's not me being negative just a fact.
A social club, well you never know...
I'm sure if you only did a morning's voluntary work a week, they wouldn't remove your benefits.
There's some real horror stories where voluntary work has messed things up...
I see there were some typing errors in my previous comment so well done anyone who understood what I was saying.
i did get out after all and a little wet with all the rain...
I did a small shop and since coming home I've had a sleep but also some cereal and fruit and as I write this a salad(Lettuce, tomato, cucumber, celery, cheese, ham, spring onion)I planned to add some jersey potatoes and and egg but couldn't bothered to wait whilst I cooked them.
But it was a decent salad just the same.
I've had coffee and lots of diluted orange juice throughout the day.
But tonight I am going to have a can of cider. And relax....
I'm now in bed making my drink last and listening to the radio. Not much of a drinker and not too keen on the taste but I sometimes like the effect as it makes me sleepy and relaxed.
I answered a test about alcohol and whether I have any worries about drinking too much on line on the BBC health site, above 8 points they suggest seeing a Dr/seeking help, My score was 3 points.
Hi Anthony
forgive me for not remembering exactly when your Mother passed away, but it was not that long ago.
I think it is perfectly natural that you are reminiscing (sp), feeling sad sometimes, ruminating on the conditions we all face in life. My brain goes nineteen to the dozen sometimes analysing things, but provided one does switch off too, surely it is a normal function of a normally functioning brain and mind?
My son's five year relationship ended just before Christmas and it was a shock and disappointment, not to mention very hurtful experience. Some people seem to think he should be ready to move on and find a new partner! He says he is not ready.
When you are ready, you are ready.
I can tell by your posts that you remain interested in things going on around you, the news (which largely we can do sod all about!!).
I have low days and good days and yet I am able to function and hopefully bring a little cheer and some laughs to those around me. Not to mention a listening ear when they are suffering.
What I am trying to say is that it is all perfectly normal and don't let anyone say otherwise!!
Cx
April 22nd was the date Mum passed away...57 days ago. Not that long compared to almost 55 years in her company.
I'll never get over it but will find a way to live with it and possibly see things differently.
You are right about the news. I remember Pete Murray the dj/presenter once saying he avoids the news because it's nearly all depressing and though you can say that's like sticking your head in the sand are we any worse off not knowing all the sad stuff that is going on?
I have to keep informed usually to see how I may be affected financially and to see what they are doing regarding benefit changes which can be a worry in itself. If I could avoid that I would.
I believe all the thoughts I have are normal and few Humans can avoid thinking as I do. My Mum used to say(as you have Carol)its whether after having thought that way, you are able to put them to the back of your mind and think of something else, whether bad thoughts start to dominate.
Sadly as we get older I suspect we'll think more this way as we realise it may harder to survive from day to day and we also stare mortality in the face.
That our savings and daily budget reduces so we probably cannot do as much as we once could.
Your son's relationship coming to an end is like a bereavement and no less important. Five years is a long time, you cannot dismiss and move on "Just like that"
If anyone says otherwise they have either forgotten what it is like or have not really experienced a similar situation themselves.
We are in the end just filling in time...if we did not have access to things to fill that time and give pleasure, reading a book, access to the internet, tv, radio, music films, food etc...and I suppose work(voluntary orf paid)what a lot of time there would be to fill.
This is probably why when there isn't much to do people now often go to a shopping centre or supermarket just to fill some empty hours.
What you say makes a lot of sense.
Next year a benefit I get is to be scrapped. The replacement is reduced by 20% and then you have to be in worse help to get it and the questions/assesment has been made stricter so you may not get it, if I don't who knows what happens.
One benefit can open the doors to other help and if I lose one it could affect me in other ways.
So its no wonder I worry if I allow my mind to wander.
In the first assesment they don't allow any medical evidence from your Dr/consultant only when it goes to appeal.
Approx 40% of appeals succeed and the decision is overturned. Some of the remainder fail and some are adjusted so you till get some help but perhaps not as much.
For now I think I am doing ok.
You are doing fine.......
Cx
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