A Mixed Day...

This morning I received a call telling me(apologies for repeating some of what I have already said)a call from the Funeral Director. It would appear that he has managed to get all of the music for the service(and taken that away from me)

I tried on the clothes for the funeral and they seem to mostly fit ok but the sleeves of the jacket are still a bit on the long side, not to worry. I was happy that the shoes I had not worn for years fit and they are black not brown.

I had every intention of getting the bus to the neighbouring town but opted for a taxi. I did come home on the bus(a lot cheaper)but I have no plans to visit the town in the future. That was to get Mum's will, what a pity they closed the local branch in my own town.

There is a whole new road layout and in many ways I did not recognise much of the area, even a building where I once spent time learning to use a computer and do a programme to help find work has been turned into a care home.

I then came back here and talked on the phone to a friend who was advising me what I may have to do regarding my future, I'll get back to that...

I went to Mum's bank with a copy of the will and death certificate and was greeted by the horror story that there is another problem...I'm honest so why stop now...Mum has £20,044 and that has taken away any help I am given so I will have to pay full rent £100 a week(I think)and community charge(25% discount because I am single)Now, the funeral has cost approx £3,000 so Mum's savings come down to £17,000 but because the amount is over £20,000 it has to go to probate. So Mum's savings could come down I have been told by another £2,000 paid to a solicitor. So they are going to be nearer £15,000.

And you can imagine if you are paying £100 rent and Community charge Mum's money won't last long. As as long as I am awarded DLA that's only approx £80 so I will have to dip into Mum's savings often. DLA is not touched.

I understand that you are given financial help once you reach £16,000 and more as the money decreases.

My friend suggests moving into a smaller property but I was talking to someone today who lives in the town I went to for Mum's will and she is in a two bedroom house and she pays only £10 less than I am at present so you move for the sake of £10? And as rents increase yearly eventually you'll be paying the same amount. But of course next year(again someone thinks it happens in September this year)any bed room unused if in what is called Social housing you have to pay £13-£14.

The Government said that they were leaving long term tennants alone and only new tennants might be told to move elsewhere but if they keep bringing in these kind of changes, people will be forced out because they cannot afford to stay but as a few people have said to me today...where are all the smaller properties for couples and especially single people.

My friend says that I should be looking for a one bedroom flat. But where would they put me and will it a part of town that is rundown. Or another town.

Now as for probate someone at the Funeral Directors says don't rush into any decision. Take some time. But they also said that they have heard that you can do your own Probate and save calling a solicitor in by looking for the forms on line, downloading them and sending them back in to wherever it is you send them into. Anyone any idea if this is so? Otherwise, I have an appointment with a solicitor for Friday but if this is so I could cancel that meeting and if I do it soon I can avoid paying a cancellation fee.

Then came my appointment with Mum and The Chapel Of Rest...Mum looked more herself(If you don't count the mouth area)but they had managed to close it. She looked more Human and as I remember her...my Sleeping Beauty. They had put Mum's make up on pretty well, her nail varnish, placed my Mother's Day Card and the carrier with the little bear in the coffin and Mum's lovely outfit was on. I had said that I would make a note of the pattern, its a navy blue background and delicate flowers on the two piece suit and a white collar and cuffs.

I was able to reach over and kiss Mum's Forehead and put my hand on Mum's hand. I talked to her(though she's not there)and told Mum what I thought about her and I sang a little of that song "I'll See You In My Dreams. I was told that I can see Mum any time I wish and that she is in that room, in the open without the lid on until Friday. I think I was with Mum approx 10 minutes. I might go and see her again or decide to make today do. I cannot change anything.

Mum is at peace.

At 5pm this evening I was with the vicar and I was still there at 6.40pm She asked me lots of questions which I assume she'll weave into a kind of life story of Mum and I think she will mention Mum's sisters and remaining brothers, Mum's friends and Mum's carer but keep the rest of the congregation in general terms.

I understand they will play only some of Doris Day's Que Sera Que Sera as we go into the service, Joe Brown's I'll See You In My Dreams as we leave and What A Friend We Have In Jesus and Can't Help Falling In Love With You in amongst the service.

So a lot has been sorted today. Sadly, my worries are less about my dear Mum and what happens next with my future.

And I don't want to think about that...But I am having to.