What A Day!
I'll tidy the house tomorrow, I should do something today but I cannot be bothered but whether I can stay here or not I owe it to Mum...myself even.
I am tired...I tried to save the money of using a taxi so I shuffled to the bus stop and did the same coming back home. It takes me forever to walk, it really takes a lot of doing.
Where was I going back to a neighbouring town to register Mum's death which I put off on Friday after the phone call from my cousin that put doubts in my mind. Maybe I'll never lose them and if I thought someone had harmed Mum un-necessarily of course I want them to pay but what am gaining.
Before that I ordered my flowers from a local flourist I think my spray is big enough. I went for carnations in the end but could not decide on the clour pink or white so they are doing a combination of the two colours. Mum's worth any money but they have done them for £35 and £3.50 delivery charge, lower than the other flourists I went to and the assistant was nicer to deal with. And took plenty of time with me and was patient.
I popped into the hospital where I usually see my consultant to tell a couple of people what has happened they knew Mum because usually for many years Mum used to accompany me when I saw my Consultant. One is a nurse and she loved my Mum and she wanted to come to the funeral but on Wednesday she flies to Egypt on holiday. She listened to me today and has said that as a son I could not have done more and that I must not beat myself up. As hard as it is to accept what has happened.
She is worried about what my future will be like but what can anyone do? Since thinking about what I have put in with and her coffin I am going to try and find a photo of myself, Dad and when they were married but I cannot do that if I don't find the negatives, I don't want to lose an original print.
I thought that I had some somewhere on a pc somewhere that I could copy and print in a shop tomorrow but I have looked around and there does not seem to any sign of what I am looking for.
Trust that to be the case and typically for me to think of this so late.
Tomorrow I hope to see the vicar about the service at 5pm and earlier in the day the solicitor to obtain Mum's will.
I haven't eaten exactly healthily today but I ate when I felt that I was able to so I managed a sausage roll and a chicken melt from Greggs and a portion of chips from the fish shop near my home and two bottles of water, I have lost interest in cooking and eating at present, I do it because I have to.
A couple of times I felt as though I was going to faint today. I am also starting to suffer with neck pains and an ache in my neck.
I'm sitting here at the PC and cannot see a reason to be doing so. I have the radio on but though its what I would usually listen to I'm not really interested in what they are talking about but its a voice so I think though its only coming up to 8pm I'll go to bed.
I cannot see a reason just sitting up for the sake of it. I'll try not to succumb to misery and depression. Mum would not want to see me like this...and I owe it to her...if no one else.
Maybe its too soon but I have arranged to see my Dr about possibly getting my hernia fixed. No point putting it off any more. If I follow through.
The amount of people who keep telling me bad things about the hospital Mum was in, another did that today...I have never heard a good report yet.
I am tired...I tried to save the money of using a taxi so I shuffled to the bus stop and did the same coming back home. It takes me forever to walk, it really takes a lot of doing.
Where was I going back to a neighbouring town to register Mum's death which I put off on Friday after the phone call from my cousin that put doubts in my mind. Maybe I'll never lose them and if I thought someone had harmed Mum un-necessarily of course I want them to pay but what am gaining.
Before that I ordered my flowers from a local flourist I think my spray is big enough. I went for carnations in the end but could not decide on the clour pink or white so they are doing a combination of the two colours. Mum's worth any money but they have done them for £35 and £3.50 delivery charge, lower than the other flourists I went to and the assistant was nicer to deal with. And took plenty of time with me and was patient.
I popped into the hospital where I usually see my consultant to tell a couple of people what has happened they knew Mum because usually for many years Mum used to accompany me when I saw my Consultant. One is a nurse and she loved my Mum and she wanted to come to the funeral but on Wednesday she flies to Egypt on holiday. She listened to me today and has said that as a son I could not have done more and that I must not beat myself up. As hard as it is to accept what has happened.
She is worried about what my future will be like but what can anyone do? Since thinking about what I have put in with and her coffin I am going to try and find a photo of myself, Dad and when they were married but I cannot do that if I don't find the negatives, I don't want to lose an original print.
I thought that I had some somewhere on a pc somewhere that I could copy and print in a shop tomorrow but I have looked around and there does not seem to any sign of what I am looking for.
Trust that to be the case and typically for me to think of this so late.
Tomorrow I hope to see the vicar about the service at 5pm and earlier in the day the solicitor to obtain Mum's will.
I haven't eaten exactly healthily today but I ate when I felt that I was able to so I managed a sausage roll and a chicken melt from Greggs and a portion of chips from the fish shop near my home and two bottles of water, I have lost interest in cooking and eating at present, I do it because I have to.
A couple of times I felt as though I was going to faint today. I am also starting to suffer with neck pains and an ache in my neck.
I'm sitting here at the PC and cannot see a reason to be doing so. I have the radio on but though its what I would usually listen to I'm not really interested in what they are talking about but its a voice so I think though its only coming up to 8pm I'll go to bed.
I cannot see a reason just sitting up for the sake of it. I'll try not to succumb to misery and depression. Mum would not want to see me like this...and I owe it to her...if no one else.
Maybe its too soon but I have arranged to see my Dr about possibly getting my hernia fixed. No point putting it off any more. If I follow through.
The amount of people who keep telling me bad things about the hospital Mum was in, another did that today...I have never heard a good report yet.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 7:23 pm
6 Comments:
I'm not surprised that you're tired, Gildy.
There's an awful lot to think about at the moment.
I find it's very helpful to make a list of 'things to do' and tick them off as I go.
That way, I don't have to be constantly worrying that I may have forgotten something.
VQ,
As you were writing your comment I was still writing more to my post so there is a little more that has been added...
I take that back about no good reports from the hospital, they did a wonderful job on Mum's hip.
I'm losing weight and having difficulty keeping my trousers up.
And the other day I thought I'd lost the signet ring(Gold with a black onyx stone)Dad bought me and I started wearing again quite recently, luckily it was in my coat pocket.
I have had to switch it to the other hand as the finger is a little thicker. Thankfully it wasn't lost.
Wish I had Mum's wooden cross that went missing. There is a small amount of costume jewellery and if it wasn't for Mum's clothes nothing really personal.
Just a thought, Gildy.
You were talking about getting a copy of a photograph to put in with your mum.
If you can't find the negative, try photo-copying your original photo. They usually come out very well. I always use the photo-copier at my library but some newsagents have them too. (And it will only cost pennies!)
I think that I am going to fail on the photographs but I have two days to play with so we'll see.
They are only photos and we did not manage to do anything like this with my Father.
I am now going to a neighbouring town to obtain copies of Mum's will...
they want some ID and something with my signature.
My writing is poor now but I have managed to sign the credit cards which they said they'd accept but no pen would write on the back so I have had to use a felt tip perminant marker I ususally use to mark DVD's that I burn on the pc so the signature is a bit thick but its the best I could do, if no pen will write on the back in that strip what can you do?
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