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Perhaps you'll learn more about me as you read my blog. For anyone who translates my blog using the translator facility, don't forget if you wish to read the comments in your own language to click on the title of the post down the left hand side otherwise they will remain in english. Also I assume that the translation is accurate but I don't know, so please allow for errors.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Little Orphan Gildy!

Hard to believe in approx seven hours it is already a week since I could talk to, kiss, hold my Mum's hand.

 Has that time really passed by? I am missing Mum terribly and I know that I will cry at some point but I think I am coming to terms in many ways with it, I'll never get over it.

I suspect seeing Mum in the Chapel of Rest will be difficult and the actual day next week of the funeral. I am protected to some extent by still arranging things(Still have to register Mum's death on Monday)

As Anon says I think that I need three copies at least but the solicitor who has Mum's will I understand do them for free so if the Register charges I'll take the original and get the copies done elsewhere. The Solicitor needs to see a Death Certificate to obtain Mum's will. The Bank needs to see the will and a Death Certificate.

The people in charge of the pension Mum had a little of Dad's pension need to see a Death Certificate. I will have to contact the person in charge of the Electoral Register and stop Mum receiving a postal vote anymore. I believe that then is all complete.

The vicar still has to be in touch about the service and then all is sorted. Except for me getting advice about how my finances will be affected. And I have had a form sent to me to fill in.

I am already having problems remembering Mum's voice and what we talked about,  perhaps its my mind's way of coping with the loss, I remember not long before Mum had to leave our home and go into hospital she did say "I Love You" I can ask for no more than that.

6 Comments:

Blogger crl2amb said...

I remember that realisation - that one is an orphan now.

For ages I kept my Mum's dressing gown to cuddle - you know I can't even remember if I eventually got rid of it - must have a look.

Can't see it, so I must have let it go, time is a great healer gildy.

Hope you are ok. This weather!!!!

C x

29 April 2012 at 10:26  
Anonymous VQ said...

Me too, C. I felt as if a steel shutter had come crashing down.
That's when I decided to research our family history and I've been doing that ever since.

29 April 2012 at 10:40  
Blogger The Great Gildersleeve said...

I can quite understand both of your reactions...

We are Ophans whatever age we lose a parent and we are still children no matter how grown up we believe we are.

And though parents going before the child is the way it should be, it doesn't make it any easier.

I'll try and tidy up the house today and put a good day in and finally hang up Mum's clothes that I brought back from the Nursing home.

It probably seems nasty but in the press release about Mum I did not mention the home where Mum passed away.

In some ways I wasn't thinking and at the time I was questioning how Mum was being cared for a bit.

If I start to think about it, I can still find myself wondering about their care and my possible lack of having something done.

But the Coroner isn't seemingly suspicious following the Post Mortem and they have tried to reassure me that no amount of food or drink or eventually what you try to put into the body won't make a difference.

That Mum was not starved of nourishment or dehydrated.

That the Pneumonia was brought on by the cancer and in cancer it often is a cause of death or contributes to it.

That it had spread and any chance of her surviving probably would only have prolonged Mum's suffering.

Does that sound though as though there was still a possiblity Mum could still be here?

Or should I accept the way things are and let it go. If the Coroner was unhappy they would not have released Mum's body?

Perhaps my initial contact with the equivelent of NHS Direct and the fact they sent an e-mail to my Dr's surgery provoked them into doing the Post Mortem(even though they won't say that was the reason)

I still remember the Coroner's representative asking me on the day I identified Mum's body"Was I planning on sueing the home?)Which I thought to be a strange question at the time.

My concerns regading euthinasia seems to have been dismissed or not followed up on and the last person at the Coroner's office I talked to said my concerns about the Dr who started the home and was in court a few years ago accused of helping some of his patients to their deaths seemed unfounded.

They exhumed some bodies but nothing came of it but the Coroner said in that case the levels of morphine were large, four times or more than they should've been(and she'd been involved in that case)that has not been suggested in Mum's case.

Most of the time these thoughts never cross my mind and I cannot change things.

The Coroner said that there are times when they call the police in whenthey are unhappy(and in the last two weeks the police have been in that home around 4-5 times.

Yet the home has according to the inspections carried out by the Govenment department that does that kind of work a good reputation.

I guess we'll always have doubts...

29 April 2012 at 11:29  
Blogger A Northern Bloke said...

Time does pass by very quickly : it is now almost four months since my father-in-law died. My mother-in-law is doing quite well, actually, but I worry about my wife.

I hope people are right when they say "Time is a great healer".

29 April 2012 at 13:50  
Blogger The Great Gildersleeve said...

Thank you Northern Bloke, I hope that they are right about time being a healer, if you are close to someone you can't change how you feel and switch off your emotions. I hope that your wife comes to terms with what has happened.

I keep thinking that I am doing ok, I hope that I doing ok but I really see the future as being bleak.

I see me having to move(and heaven knows where they'll move me to)and into what property.

There's no guarentee I'll be in the same town.

If its a one bedroom flat so much of what I have will have to be disguarded. And I wonder if there will be enough room for what I would like to keep.

I'd need my pc's, CD's, a bed and fridge freezer, washing machine, tumble dryer, a bed, tv and possibly something to sit on. Something to cook on. I bet a bedsit barely has room for any of that.

Savings wise to get help I have to have so little, a relative reckons as little as £8,000. What can you do with that kind of money these days?

A lot will have to go. How heartbreaking is that on top of everything else?

I've said before if I'd been at retirement age I might've been more likely to be left alone or been allowed to have a little more in savings or what I have would have lasted me as I would be getting older and they'd have probably lasted me the rest of my life. It wasn't to be.

People keep saying that I will be fine but I don't know, I can't see it myself.

There is a lady down the street says she's not moving or thinking/worrying about doing so as she's lived in the same property for as long as myself(possibly longer)and it will be a three bedroom house.

She's older than me(by quite an amount I suspect)which may make a difference so our situations may not be similar.

She may have money which means she can manage to stay put or perhaps she is getting help. I haven't been that personal.

But this sounds as though I am feeling sorry for myself and perhaps I am.

As Anon said elsewhere many are struggling in work, out of work, this is the real world. Great isn't it!

29 April 2012 at 14:42  
Blogger The Great Gildersleeve said...

Thank you Northern Bloke, I hope that they are right about time being a healer, if you are close to someone you can't change how you feel and switch off your emotions. I hope that your wife comes to terms with what has happened.

I keep thinking that I am doing ok, I hope that I doing ok but I really see the future as being bleak.

I see me having to move(and heaven knows where they'll move me to)and into what property.

There's no guarantee I'll be in the same town.

If its a one bedroom flat so much of what I have will have to be disguarded. And I wonder if there will be enough room for what I would like to keep.

I'd need my pc's, cd's, a bed and fridge freezer, washing machine, tumble dryer, a bed, tv and possibly something to sit on. Something to cook on. I bet a bedsit barely has room for any of that.

Savings wise to get help I have to have so little, a relative reckons as little as £8,000. What can you do with that kind of money these days?

A lot will have to go. How heartbreaking is that on top of everything else?

I've said before if I'd been at retirement age I might've been more likely to be left alone or been allowed to have a little more in savings or what I have would have lasted me as I would be getting older and they'd have probably lasted me the rest of my life. It wasn't to be.

People keep saying that I will be fine but I don't know, I can't see it myself.

There is a lady down the street says she's not moving or thinking/worrying about doing so as she's lived in the same property for as long as myself(possibly longer)and it will be a three bedroom house.

She's older than me(by quite an amount I suspect)which may make a difference so our situations may not be similar.

She may have money which means she can manage to stay put or perhaps she is getting help. I haven't been that personal.

But this sounds as though I am feeling sorry for myself and perhaps I am.

As Anon said elsewhere many are struggling in work, out of work, this is the real world. Great isn't it!

29 April 2012 at 15:00  

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