Such Thoughts Are Natural...

I managed to fall asleep but have just woke and its suddenly hit me the situation I/we are in. In the night things seem much worse. We've never really gone on about age and have lived each day but been thankful at how fortunate we've been.

But selfishly, I realise how strange life will be totally alone and even how little time I may have ahead. Enough of feeling sorry for myself.

Mum said was her worst day for pain(I hope tomorrow is better)they popped in at teatime and decided she was too sleepy to bother but said they'd be back(They didn't)I managed to get almost 1,000 calories into Mum(2 smoothies)a rice pot, complan, coffee with sugar, whole milk and brandy. They were happy to see I'd managed to get nourishment into Mum.

Mum refused my soup and my scrambled eggs. Well, we tried. They managed to have Mum sit up again a lounge for approx an hour.

I hope that I never end up in a home or in need of care knowing my end is nigh.

When I was a child I actually went through a period of depression(being sensitive)I did not need a psychiatrist and I did come out of it stronger but I worried about dying and in particular losing my parents and yet I had my Father in my life for approx 26 years and Mum(still here)almost 55 years so I have been fortunate in reality. But you always want more. I suppose Mum could've said that with her own parents(she lost her Father aged 22)but had her Mum until she was 70! that's another 15 years to what I will have.

But I know others have their loved ones around for less time. That's life!

Mum says that she fancies tomato soup tomorrow, so we'll see. I suddenly remembered that we used to like celery soup but I can't seem to find that anywhere local.

Thanks for the continued support...I hope expressing such feelings I have not gone down in anyone's estimation...