I Was Given My Marching Orders...
When I arrived I was told that it was inappropriate to stay overnight.
There's Mum wanting me to keep her company through the night when she's at her most vulnerable, afraid...just to see someone familiar when she wakes. I'm not in the way, I'm not making any noise. I asked before I did it...and was told "No Problem!"
I don't interfere with her sleeping pattern, I think she slept better because I was there.
Tonight, I am told by Mum, she's left on her own most of the time before I came up, she not eaten or drunk much but though its bowel cancer the pain and soreness is her mouth/throat and that's stopping her eating and drinking and if that was sorted perhaps she would improve more. Whether temporary or otherwise.
I was there only a short time and I had already managed to get her to drink a complan and they were pleased.
She said tonight the place is so quiet...usually they leave her so she can only see the ceiling, I do at least prop Mum up so she can see anyone passing by the room. It was so sad her watching me leave and waving to me.
She's not as happy where she is and its not much different to the hospital when you are on your own and you are ill and know it yourself. Unfortunately, I have to abide by the rules.
I hope tomorrow is better for both of us. And they've got rid of me overnight but I'll be there by mid morning and stay as long as I can.
There's Mum wanting me to keep her company through the night when she's at her most vulnerable, afraid...just to see someone familiar when she wakes. I'm not in the way, I'm not making any noise. I asked before I did it...and was told "No Problem!"
I don't interfere with her sleeping pattern, I think she slept better because I was there.
Tonight, I am told by Mum, she's left on her own most of the time before I came up, she not eaten or drunk much but though its bowel cancer the pain and soreness is her mouth/throat and that's stopping her eating and drinking and if that was sorted perhaps she would improve more. Whether temporary or otherwise.
I was there only a short time and I had already managed to get her to drink a complan and they were pleased.
She said tonight the place is so quiet...usually they leave her so she can only see the ceiling, I do at least prop Mum up so she can see anyone passing by the room. It was so sad her watching me leave and waving to me.
She's not as happy where she is and its not much different to the hospital when you are on your own and you are ill and know it yourself. Unfortunately, I have to abide by the rules.
I hope tomorrow is better for both of us. And they've got rid of me overnight but I'll be there by mid morning and stay as long as I can.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 11:14 pm
8 Comments:
Hi Anthony
Sorry to hear of the new development. The best result would be if your Mum could come home, but its a tricky one, could you cope and also would the whole experience make her even more unwell?
Well reading your blog brought back so many memories Anthony that I spent last night in floods of tears, I suspected I was coming down with something and sure enough I have a sore throat, laryngitis and a stinking cold.
I am staying home and probably in bed today. I hate to let people down but I am in no fit state to do six hours cleaning.
Take care Anthony. Does your Mum like chocolate? Cadburys do those little pots of chocolate dessert which go down very easily, also caramel creme. I am sure you have thought of everything - also Waitrose do a drink called Oatly which is choc flavoured, supposed to be very nutritious.
Carol
Take care of you Carol.
Many are doing so much and trying to keep their heads above water it is so easy to find suddenly your body says "Stop!"
I am so sorry my blog affected you as it has but it is sad.
I hope that I am wrong but I don't think Mum has long and so to be told that the time you can spend and how you want to with a loved one whilst they are here is hurtful.
Mum did not want me to go last night and kept asking me to stay a few minutes more and "They haven't told you to leave yet!" I had to make the decision to leave and it tugs at your heart strings.
I believe we can cope but the idea was to see if/how Mum improved over the first few weeks out of hospital.
It probably is one of the best care homes and does have a good reputation but its still not home and for residents that are not terminally ill or receiving pallative care, who have realtives calling it may be as good as it gets.
When you can go into the lounge, go into a room and have a meal, watch tv etc...but laid in a bed most of the time and without my visits all you see is someone coming to give medication/change laundry...no!
They are doing the mecahnics of care but that's not helping you emotionally.
Must dash...time is racing away, if I get away in the next hour or so I can hopefully be there for approx 10 hours...
The difference is that Mum probably has very limited time. Most residents probably are ok being visited during the day.
Someone sitting quietly dozing in a chair for when she wakes frightened, able to give her hand a squeeze and a reassuring word does no harm.
I'm not wandering around the home affecting other residents. It could be argued I'm around and more likely to spot if/when something goes wrong.
As for getting Mum into a pattern, if she's in bed and left alone most of the time the pattern will be to sleep all the time...
Anyhow, I've had a long chat with the McMillan Nurses and got some advice. So we'll see how things are over the weekend and early part of next week.
I've lots of milk to make Complans today, will take some soup and tea and coffee for me and some sandwiches and today I may be there to try and feed Mum at teatime...just away to get shaved and I am away and will stay hopefully for approx 9 hours and come home at 10pm.
McMillan Nurses have given me some advice about meds and are sending some books about how to possibly build Mum up calorie wise.
Again, if Mum's mouth was to improve I think she'd eat/drink more.
The difference is that Mum probably has very limited time.
Most residents probably are ok being visited during the day.
Someone sitting quietly dozing in a chair(me)for when she wakes frightened, able to give her hand a squeeze and a reassuring word does no harm.
I think she slept more calmly when I was there.
I'm not wandering around the home affecting other residents.
It could be argued I'm around and more likely to spot if/when something goes wrong.
Unless she presses her alarm button or they come around when there is a problem there are a approx 2-3 hours where they'd miss her when help is needed.
As for getting Mum into a pattern, if she's in bed and left alone most of the time, the pattern will be to sleep all the time...Thank heavens I left her music playing.
Anyhow, I've had a long chat with the McMillan Nurses and been given some advice. So we'll see how things are over the weekend and early part of next week.
McMillan Nurses have given me some advice about meds and are sending some books about how to possibly build Mum up calorie wise.
Again, if Mum's mouth was to improve I think she'd eat/drink more.
I've lots of milk to make up some Complans, some chicken and mushroom soup and tea and coffee and some sandwiches for me(but if she'd like a tea/coffee Mum can.
Some yogurts and today I may be there at teatime and help feed her but until I get there I don't know if its a good or bad day.
Just away to get shaved and then I will get a taxi and hopefully stay until 10pm and that's approx 8 hours.
Sorry I don't understand you, are you saying your Mum is the only one there who's time is limited ?
There might be other people in the home who've gone there to die, you just don't know.
Also, they can't really have relatives there over night, about whom they have no history of their background. If I had a relative in a home,I'd be rather uneasy about strangers staying over night, you know you're ok, but other relatives might be worried you'd go into the patients rooms , which is a scary thought isn't it |?
Not if their security is ok. I could do that during the day if I was inclined.
Of course I'm not saying others are not dying...
At least when I left Mum she was not in pain and she was sleeping peacefully.
Have a look in the supermarket for some Muller Rices-they come in some nice flavours and are easy to go down
Thanks Anon...
They seem to be offering her yogurts and other items without asking but I still take in different things...and your suggestion is a good one...
I don't know what's wrong with blogger this morning.
Firstly, I'm making a few spelling mistakes and correcting them you may be receiving muliple posts if you have sign up for e-mail notification when a comment is posted as I correct my mistakes but a coulple of times the same comment has appeared twice when I have posted.
Whenever I post normally I already am sent two copies of my own posts and I have never understood why nor been able to correct that problem even by looking in the settings. So apologies...
Post a Comment
<< Home