A Not So Good Day...

Mum had a restless night but had quite a lot of pain...Upon my return at lunchtime no pain but very very sleepy. When tired she is more likely to be not so "With it!"

However, Mum promised to have some soup around 4pm and some spaghetti on toast. So that will get something onto her stomach. Mum appears to have gone off Complan...for now.

What actually happened is that Mum had spaghetti, bread and followed it with a biscuit and tea. And tonight she says she will have two fried eggs(well mainly the yolk rather the white of the eggs)or two poached eggs and one or two small mashed potato patties. Hopefully, to get something to nourish her body.

Its changed to one or possibly two poached egss at 10pm(I don't care what time Mum eats as long as I get food inside of her)

Its touching, she gave me such a lovely smile, a cuddle. Mum has a strong faith and says that "Jesus and also with the help the Dr and you I will get better."

She's taken hope(I do hope so)from people in the public eye who have either beaten or lived for quite some time with that dreaded disease that we worry she has such as football manager Sir Bobby Robson and the singer Russell Watson.

Where had I been? Trying to sort out our finances so that we both benefit.

After years of trying to have some control of Mum's affairs(which she was always for)and her bank telling me I had to be a joint account holder(which would affect my own finances)

Today I have been told that I can look after mum's account without being a joint account holder and I can also If I wish be added as a Power Of Attorney to her accounts. A case of now they tell me!

I'm not sure which one to use. In the end it may be as easy just to take a third party mandate.

Another reason, unbeknown to me and I suspect many genuine people watching out for their relatives(we're not all crooks)is that there are so many new rules to follow you'd have to be a master criminal to get away with anything.

I had the best POA drawn up possible...or its more like that I had. Its open ended but by chance on the internet just before writing this entry, I read that new rules have come in that affect some of the things you can/cannot do and it seems from 2007 they stopped issuing the type of POA I have.

But if issued before that date some of what the document allows you do is still enforceable but you've a lot of legal stuff to wade through to find out what is still covered.

It appears that I may as well leave things as they are...should Mum have to go into care her savings would have to be even lower not to be considered. Also all of it is not taken in one swipe but is reduced by a certain amount per week and then when you reach a certain threshold that is treated as allowed capital.

Another option is that if Mum is not in care you can manage the account and put money in and take it out for acceptable reasons.

There's no point Mum giving me a gift of a sizable sum because it would affect my own situation and I'd be worse off.

And if the worst case scenario happens...again I'd actually be worse off by coming into what may be seen as a small windfall. I'd have accept it! And to live and make it last(Can the authorities question what you are spending it on?)Or is it my right to do with it what I wish if I am trying within reason to live a decent life?

I'd have to become even more frugal than at present possibly cutting back on electric, gas, giving up the tv, the telephone and internet unless I can work out a way to save money...perhaps watching only free to air channels a way of cutting the line rental on the phone so money saved means I can still use the net. And we haven't talked about how my choice of food may suffer and I may see the variety of quality of food go down.

Its not as if I am extravagant or have opulent tastes.

Mum is still pretty savvy on many things(Thank heavens)and money and her trusting and wanting me to take of her finances is one aspect that for now is ok.

Again, its the people with small amounts of savings that suffer, those with much more know all the tricks to avoid such problems, I say tricks but the practices used are often legal so nothing dodgy has been done.

If you were up to something you'd probably not be in this situation in the first place. Of course you have to protect the venerable but its a minefield to walk through.

Oh I met someone I haven't seen for ages(he worked as medic in the States and the UK most of his life)and he has also told me Mum might have a kind of chest infection(I cannot spell it)can cause confusion. So there could be even another reason for this.

Worryingly, I also have heard that should we beat the growth problem the drug given for dementia is so expensive there are many conditions which will decide who is allowed access to it so we cannot guarantee Mum would get it and that's on hold because of the other problem. So I may want to use Mum's savings towards the cost of that drug if its not given to her(and its not too late to have an affect)

Of course all the above means diddly squat if I lose her and/or suddenly her savings are passed to me. Some of that will be taken up with(I cannot beat around the bush)funeral costs.

Also the headline in a national newspaper suggests that cancer experts are saying that drugs should not be given just to prolong life even though an example given suggested that someone given three months to live has so far survived five years. It could be a scare story or may be taken up as policy(who knows)It wouldn't surprise me but I also know how newspapers write stories to create a reaction.

Its a difficult time for us(and many)but I don't like the way the country is going. Help offered/given isn't as it once was. Many are being held down and just surviving day to day and many have little to look forward to and the stories that get into the media or are peddled by politicians give a false impression of how great life is for many people.

Not everyone is getting something for nothing.

A law is a law and they say ignorance is no defence. But equally I can even if I add I should not condone breaking laws in general and accept you cannot really pick and choose to follow those you personally agree with and ignore the rest, I can understand how and why some people do "Fiddle" and how they find themselves torn between what is right and wrong. If it keeps your head above water. You'll do what you can whether you are on your own or have family to think of.

If a shoplifter steals and does it because they can and they don't have to who could condone that but if you steal food because you have to eat to survive could anyone really treat them the same? There was a case a few weeks ago that came to court I believe of such a nature.

I could actually see if I am not careful a scenario where I could be homeless, I could see a time where(and I used to say this to Mum)what are we saving our meagre amount of money for? Who are we going to leave it to? Why should we scrimp and make do with furniture and carpets that have seen better days? A television etc...that is almost 30 years old and so on.

Well, as usually happens...we have done that and should I end up alone, every penny will be precious, I'm afraid I will still be living in a home that has an old interior. It will not win any prizes in a lifestyle magazine or impress any guests that call.

And I suspect as my savings will be low when if/my funeral happens, there won't be much remaining, maybe by then there won't be enough what am keeping it for? It will have to be taken care of by the authorities, I have no reason to be bothered.

They won't get much for my worldly goods...some old clothes, some books and some CD's, an old bed, an old fridge/freezer, a cooker and a few chairs.