Twenty Two Days...
How do you count the days/weeks? It's my fourth Sunday since Mum passed away. I managed a good sleep but seem to remember dreaming something strange but not enough to make any sense out of it.
I have had quite a good breakfast, orange juice, cereal with strawberries, blueberries and banana. I have some toast and marmalade still there to have perhaps with a mug of coffee which I may have after writing this...
I think I am doing reasonably well but I have been going over things again, I still find it difficult to accept that Mum had pneumonia or that caused extra complications because most of the time Mum was breathing easily, I couldn't hear any rattle and only occasionally after a drink did she do a little cough. How did the nursing staff miss the signs, I might excuse myself because I am not a medical person. But if I am not careful I will start to feel guilty and this will take me over.
I cannot change things. Pneumonia gets so many...
The sun is out and it's not raining but it does seem very windy, we were promised gale force winds but at present(and things could change)we seem to be getting "Gusts"rather than a continuous battering. Though as I write I think it is getting worse.
Whether I'll stay in today or face the weather I have yet to decide but as there is only the option of walking around streets of houses or shops(and being Sunday they close earlier)I may leave it.
I am running out of money, there's only so much you can buy and if you go around the same shops daily, there's not much different to see.
Something happened today that I don't remember ever happening before. A gust of wind blew the front door open, this was whilst I was thinking a lot about Mum. And it is a Sunday and three weeks since Mum passed away.
I have perused the TV listings and nothing really takes my fancy today, if the TV was on I probably could get interested or distracted by something but as I have the radio on, I'll probably stick with that.
Sunday used to be my main day for hearing the music Mum and myself shared a love of.
I discovered last night that radio listening on the net does not use a lot of Internet data usage and though I cannot hear what I am recording at the time, I have found a way to record sound and the quality isn't too bad.
So if I miss a programme, it probably uses less to record than podcast and some programmes cannot be downloaded. If I do it through the night I can sleep and leave the PC to it. And listen later at a more suitable time.
Think I'll have that coffee now...
Tonight I'll have that belly pork, kurley kale, potatoes and gravy.
This afternoon I may have a couple of scones with some strawberry jam.
You do realise I'm making myself do this...it still seems wrong cooking for one and bothering to do more than opening a can of soup or baked beans...
I have had quite a good breakfast, orange juice, cereal with strawberries, blueberries and banana. I have some toast and marmalade still there to have perhaps with a mug of coffee which I may have after writing this...
I think I am doing reasonably well but I have been going over things again, I still find it difficult to accept that Mum had pneumonia or that caused extra complications because most of the time Mum was breathing easily, I couldn't hear any rattle and only occasionally after a drink did she do a little cough. How did the nursing staff miss the signs, I might excuse myself because I am not a medical person. But if I am not careful I will start to feel guilty and this will take me over.
I cannot change things. Pneumonia gets so many...
The sun is out and it's not raining but it does seem very windy, we were promised gale force winds but at present(and things could change)we seem to be getting "Gusts"rather than a continuous battering. Though as I write I think it is getting worse.
Whether I'll stay in today or face the weather I have yet to decide but as there is only the option of walking around streets of houses or shops(and being Sunday they close earlier)I may leave it.
I am running out of money, there's only so much you can buy and if you go around the same shops daily, there's not much different to see.
Something happened today that I don't remember ever happening before. A gust of wind blew the front door open, this was whilst I was thinking a lot about Mum. And it is a Sunday and three weeks since Mum passed away.
I have perused the TV listings and nothing really takes my fancy today, if the TV was on I probably could get interested or distracted by something but as I have the radio on, I'll probably stick with that.
Sunday used to be my main day for hearing the music Mum and myself shared a love of.
I discovered last night that radio listening on the net does not use a lot of Internet data usage and though I cannot hear what I am recording at the time, I have found a way to record sound and the quality isn't too bad.
So if I miss a programme, it probably uses less to record than podcast and some programmes cannot be downloaded. If I do it through the night I can sleep and leave the PC to it. And listen later at a more suitable time.
Think I'll have that coffee now...
Tonight I'll have that belly pork, kurley kale, potatoes and gravy.
This afternoon I may have a couple of scones with some strawberry jam.
You do realise I'm making myself do this...it still seems wrong cooking for one and bothering to do more than opening a can of soup or baked beans...
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 11:55 am
2 Comments:
I was at a bit of a loose end earlier. I went to You Tube and entered 'Celebrity The Chase'. I found an edition with Carol Vorderman and Paul Ross. Very entertaining and no blasted adverts!! Recommended.
As for the door blowing open; you have to realise that you're going through a vulnerable phase. A week or two after burying my mum, I was positive that I could see her waiting at a bus stop on the opposite side of the road. Of course, I knew it couldn't be her but, at the same time, I was sure that it was so I just had to cross the road. Well, of course it wasn't her. These things happen.
Good for you for cooking and having proper meals. Just remember that it's what your mum would want.
I am probably still quite vulnerable as you suggest. If I go out for now, it's mainly a walk around the supermarket or charity shop.
Indoors(apart from slowly tidying the house)and saving the washing up so I do a decent wash occasionally. I can only really do a few things as anyone can...
Watch tv, listen to the radio, read(might have to read more than I have)come on here and cook a meal.
Can anyone do much more with their spare time? Possibly, if money is no object but for most of us it's a routine.
I have ammended a comment from earlier this was originally written on May 13th...
I did lose it in the afternoon as I was tidying the kitchen and setting up my new microwave combi...they played Matt Monroe - Born Free on the radio and that just got to me and I found myself crying and it just hit me without warning...it's going to happen...
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