Is It Still Only...
two and a half hours since I last posted? I thought it was later than this...I managed a couple of hours sleep, I may as well go back and try for more. I won't be surprised when what happens happens I take to my bed for a few days inbetween doing what has to be done...
I haven't heard the phone go...relief...
A thought passed by me, I suppose even if we had more time together I'd always want more and...if Mum could rally and surprise everyone(I know, I know)and could eat and get more strength, if they are sedating her and she's sleeping what chance has she to try and take in any nourishment orally?
The treatment being offered might actually be stopping the possibility of a comeback? Or for her to know I'm there and get any more time together. "They" say they want me to have quality time together and as much as we can.
If Mum is "out for the count!" I can hold her hand and if the bars on the bed aren't in the way perhaps I can give a kiss, stroke her head or whatever. I don't know what I'll do(It may register on a different level that I am there)but quality time? More like trying to come to terms with...
It may blow my cover and someone on the Internet may recognise me(or Mum and Dad)but I may very well post an image of us all together in happier times. There are many blogs that share much more information than I have and put their names on line. Especially those who use social sites like Face book. I can't see anything I have affecting say my prospects of work or whatever.
I've already tried to save money by cancelling my order of CD's from a well known site and though a bit cold I have kept the heating off and am using extra blankets. My income will drop drastically.
I hope that I can keep the computers and Internet going. I'm not even sure if there's any point keeping a tv license for the amount of TV I watch, Sky's a luxury, my mobile is basic and I don't phone anyone so that won't cost much and as it pay as you go at least there is no monthly fee.
Radio is going to be my constant friend and companion I suspect.
But of course if I want to stay online I'll need to rent a landline so I'll to find the cheapest package I can. And general shopping really will be basic now. This is going to sound as though its self pity(its not meant to)but you try to do the best you can you get knocked back for doing so.
There I go again, racing ahead...
If I spend most of the next few days at the hospital(depending on how long it all takes)my posts may become scarce and the next will probably the difficult one but probably the most simple.
I haven't heard the phone go...relief...
A thought passed by me, I suppose even if we had more time together I'd always want more and...if Mum could rally and surprise everyone(I know, I know)and could eat and get more strength, if they are sedating her and she's sleeping what chance has she to try and take in any nourishment orally?
The treatment being offered might actually be stopping the possibility of a comeback? Or for her to know I'm there and get any more time together. "They" say they want me to have quality time together and as much as we can.
If Mum is "out for the count!" I can hold her hand and if the bars on the bed aren't in the way perhaps I can give a kiss, stroke her head or whatever. I don't know what I'll do(It may register on a different level that I am there)but quality time? More like trying to come to terms with...
It may blow my cover and someone on the Internet may recognise me(or Mum and Dad)but I may very well post an image of us all together in happier times. There are many blogs that share much more information than I have and put their names on line. Especially those who use social sites like Face book. I can't see anything I have affecting say my prospects of work or whatever.
I've already tried to save money by cancelling my order of CD's from a well known site and though a bit cold I have kept the heating off and am using extra blankets. My income will drop drastically.
I hope that I can keep the computers and Internet going. I'm not even sure if there's any point keeping a tv license for the amount of TV I watch, Sky's a luxury, my mobile is basic and I don't phone anyone so that won't cost much and as it pay as you go at least there is no monthly fee.
Radio is going to be my constant friend and companion I suspect.
But of course if I want to stay online I'll need to rent a landline so I'll to find the cheapest package I can. And general shopping really will be basic now. This is going to sound as though its self pity(its not meant to)but you try to do the best you can you get knocked back for doing so.
There I go again, racing ahead...
If I spend most of the next few days at the hospital(depending on how long it all takes)my posts may become scarce and the next will probably the difficult one but probably the most simple.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 3:11 am
3 Comments:
Ohh Gildy.
My heart goes out to you.
Whatever happens, You can be very proud of yourself. I know of nobody who has gone to such lengths for a parent. I don't know your mum but I am a mother and I can tell you that she loves you totally and unconditionally. Actions DO speak louder than words and it must have been so warming to her to know how much you care for her.
Courage, my friend.
Gildy, may I call you that ? I see others do on here .
I don't think they will be sedating your Mother, only if she was in a lot of pain or very restless . I think she's just sleeping a lot because she's slowly fading.
If you're worried, ask them what they're giving her.
Of course you may Anon, and thank you for your input.
In reality, its god to see that she resting and if pain is being taken away as long as we can tell she not troubled I can ask no more.
If its morphine and that's likely we know that the more they give, once you reach a certain point it will send you across that line.
VQ,
As always thank you for your kind words.
Courage, oh yes, I will need plenty of that and I hope that I will still find I can find something to enjoy in the future when the time is right and not get chocked up or avoid say listening to music we shared and there are enough good memories.
She wouldn't want to see me like that and what good is that for me?
I must be strong, I cannot change things, we face losing our nearest and dearest and then one day it will be my turn and how awful to spend that time in misery.
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