Tell Tale...
On the whole everything is going well with Mum and she is quite bright...
My problem is actually with the people who are supposedly watching over Mum's care...
On Monday I mentioned that I was having to do some housework as I needed to look for a disc of software for when the computer repairman was going to call in the afternoon to install something and finish off some tasks.
And I kept getting interrupted by callers such as the District Nurse. And if you are doing one task...you cannot do another. I was up to my eyes in it!
She asked some very strange questions and made some comments that seemed general chit chat, she hoped I would not think anything of them. But I am very astute.
After she went away, within a short time "Our" Social Worker phoned saying she'd like to see me later in the week(just happened to be thinking of us and hadn't seen us for a number of weeks)but by certain things she said, she had obviously been talking to the District Nurse.
Then, yesterday we had a call from another person who works in another department and she just happened to decide to call the same week by chance. And again certain things said triggered my mind and I realise that it is obvious this person had been talking to the District Nurse too.
And the one thing that seems to be driving this are questions about my care of Mum(though they are careful how they say it)you know they'll start of by saying "You are coping very well but do you not think that..." and the District Nurse seemed to be doing a lot of questioning about the service our carers are giving Mum when they call.
We have no complaints about the care(for what it is)and Mum even gets a bit tired having someone call at all even though she likes our carer. If Mum becomes very ill or I feel unable to cope I'll ask for extra help but to be honest we could actually manage without the visits we have already. I was talked into it to some extent.
I realise that we are being talked about and you do wonder what is being said about you.
I am not supposed to know but I also realise that the same District Nurse has phoned into the office of the company that the carer works for raising concerns about the care Mum gets and I'd already said to her we were happy and that our carer does more than she should and stays longer than scheduled. So I am bit annoyed to discover this has happened without me being told directly and first.
In some ways its good that all the departments are talking with each other and working as a team but in another way they are causing un-necessary trouble/ill feeling.
I've explained in many ways Mum's bedroom is like a bedsit where she can sit at the window and watch what's happening outside, she can listen to my mp3 player and enjoy lots of music or read something(Mum has talked of having a TV installed)It is warmer upstairs than downstairs but she does go downstairs if there is something she wishes to watch on TV and sometimes for her meals.
If when she is able she has access to the bathroom, toilet and everything is on one level so being upstairs makes a lot of sense. Its warmer too.
Also, a carer can do what she is meant to but within minutes of leaving I could be doing the same task the carer has just completed. We cannot have a carer or nurse here 24 hours a day and I am the main carer.
The impression is that they want us to have someone here every day but we do not feel it is necessary nor could we afford it at this time. Already for approx 100 minutes a week it costs approx £70 per month.
So if it was increased in frequency, more calls per day/week what is it going to cost? And by saying that I am not saying Mum isn't worth it.
So as I await the Social Worker this afternoon I am debating whether to be blunt and basically have it out with them(whether that make us popular or not)or whether to try and find a way of making my points without getting off on a bad foot about what's happening.
When I needed help from the Social Worker and left a message for her weeks ago regarding possible problems about Mum and myself getting to hospital I heard nothing...where was she then?
I am also sure that she walked past me some weeks ago and deliberately kept her head down and avoided eye contact in the town centre and all she'd have had to do was say "Hello" not get into a conversation but when she comes today she'll be saying that she cannot do enough for us...
The District Nurse service is a valuable service and I am sure that most of the time they do a very good job and are dedicated(They often are used in cases where people need to be cared for "In the Community" and often have serious long term conditions/illnesses so they cannot be kept in hospital etc...but lately they said they were going to call twice a week(but its still only a weekly visit)so even they do not always do what they say that they will.
Also, on the grapevine I heard one topic brought up was Mum having dirty fingernails(I am always looking after her hand care with cream, soap, a scrubbing brush and so on)and so does the carer(even Mum herself)Mum has always looked after her hygiene...but if you just happen to hit a time between cleaning sessions as perhaps the District Nurse may've its wrong to think that's like that all the time. I can wear protective gloves but its quite easy for Mum to accidentally get dirty hands. And again this was the day/time where I was very busy looking for something and waiting for someone to call.
It seems a case of "Jobs Worth" for the sake of it. It's times like this when you start to wish you did not have to use such services and could go private and this is when you see why such departments are disliked or treated suspiciously by the public in general.
Could be an interesting visit...
Update:It was very interesting and to some extent I am very angry. Even if I was to say "Its all for Mum's good and her well being!" I feel as though I have been forced into accepting what "They" want us to do. I also felt as though our carer is being singled out as though she is not doing her job. And both Mum and myself are perfectly happy with what she has done.
The carer washes and cleans Mum. Sometimes a bath, sometimes a blanket bath. She checks Mum over regarding the area that is a problem and applies creams etc...She dresses Mum. I have seen what she does(she has often stayed longer than her official allotted time)But this one District Nurse has felt that she should make a complaint and has caused un-necessary trouble and worry for us and our carer.
I appreciate you hear of some horror stories and of some carers not doing what they should or are paid for but the crazy thing is that other District Nurses have been present when the carer is doing the work. And seemingly they've had nothing to say so must have been ok with what they saw.
I was able to dismiss most of the things that there was concerns about.
The upshot is that we are now being forced to have a carer every day not alternative days and I think that they are trying to stop us having a break over Christmas and the New Year.
I'm not turning down offers of help, I never have, if we need extra help I will ask.
Why now? We've had our carer for almost 3 months...
But here's what I did not like...I thought that I was being seen by the Social Worker on her own.
Instead, the Social Worker and the District Nurse turned up as a team. If I had been the Social Worker I would have listened to what the District Nurse had to say, then myself and make a decision or compromise after what I was told if I thought any action should be taken.
But because they turned up together I could not say all that I might've. And they had one little trick planned...I realised after they had gone...The Social Worker started to talk to Mum asking what the carer does for her and in the meantime the District Nurse occupied me so I could not hear what Mum was saying or that I could not influence what Mum said.
It turns out Mum's fingernails were a little dirty when the District Nurse called(I wasn't supposed to know that and maybe giving that example I have blown my contact and questions may be asked how I knew that)
Well its not worth going into detail why that might be but I know that the carer and myself are always cleaning Mum's hands and also I use some that special liquid you can buy to kill bacteria if you haven't access to water. Perhaps just on that visit it was so if she'd called 15 minutes or earlier it probably would not have been the case.
Mum's hair was untidy...(she'd only been awake for a few minutes)and who has tidy hair if you are in bed asleep? And Mum does comb her hair and keeps it tidy normally.
There are other examples but as I always say no matter how many carers you have or how often they call its what happens the other twenty three and half hours that no one is coming to see to her. You can't have care 24/7 and again with extra care the cost will increase too.
And they are saying Mum isn't capable of making such a decision but I realise that was because Mum had just woken from a little sleep and was still not wide awake and because Mum kept saying she was happy with the care she receives but perhaps did not say "Well, I get washed and dressed on a morning" etc...just that she is very happy with the care she receives and they have ignored what I said.
And as for not understanding...when I went upstairs after they'd been and told Mum what they had agreed and decided, Mum said herself "I don't want it!" and she is worried she is going to loe the carer she has become used to.
I am not sure where we go from here...I think the Social Worker had no right(possibly later it would've been ok)to arrive with someone else who was involved in the situation.
She should have talked to me alone.
I think that the District Nurse even if she felt she had to complain should've talked to me in greater detail first. If she had I don't think the complaint was necessary and could've been avoided.
I don't think it has been handled correctly at all. They said that they are not the "Heavy Squad" They seem pretty Heavy to me even though they keep trying to say its all for Mum's good.
To be fair I realise that you are only hearing one side of the story. You do start to feel as though your life is not your own...I don't lose my temper but did a little the way I was being treated and not being listened to, I don't like to lose my temper, its not me...heaven knows what they said to each other as they drove home and what will go in their reports which we will never see.
To be honest the carer has done much more than the District Nurses have in all the time we've been visited.
The only good thing we've had from the DN's is some pants to save us buying them. Anything else has been given from other departments of the health service not the District Nurses.
And as I say, any care has been done by "The Carer"
Three District Nurses call once in a while and the other two seem to be ok about the care...just this one seems to be a bit over zealous but she's convinced the Social Worker so...
As the carer is doing all that she should I feel bad that she may be taken off our case or have a warning on her working record and I am so tempted to phone the company and tell them we were very happy and it was not us complaining(We'd just filled in a customer satisfaction survey which was all positive...now this...)
My problem is actually with the people who are supposedly watching over Mum's care...
On Monday I mentioned that I was having to do some housework as I needed to look for a disc of software for when the computer repairman was going to call in the afternoon to install something and finish off some tasks.
And I kept getting interrupted by callers such as the District Nurse. And if you are doing one task...you cannot do another. I was up to my eyes in it!
She asked some very strange questions and made some comments that seemed general chit chat, she hoped I would not think anything of them. But I am very astute.
After she went away, within a short time "Our" Social Worker phoned saying she'd like to see me later in the week(just happened to be thinking of us and hadn't seen us for a number of weeks)but by certain things she said, she had obviously been talking to the District Nurse.
Then, yesterday we had a call from another person who works in another department and she just happened to decide to call the same week by chance. And again certain things said triggered my mind and I realise that it is obvious this person had been talking to the District Nurse too.
And the one thing that seems to be driving this are questions about my care of Mum(though they are careful how they say it)you know they'll start of by saying "You are coping very well but do you not think that..." and the District Nurse seemed to be doing a lot of questioning about the service our carers are giving Mum when they call.
We have no complaints about the care(for what it is)and Mum even gets a bit tired having someone call at all even though she likes our carer. If Mum becomes very ill or I feel unable to cope I'll ask for extra help but to be honest we could actually manage without the visits we have already. I was talked into it to some extent.
I realise that we are being talked about and you do wonder what is being said about you.
I am not supposed to know but I also realise that the same District Nurse has phoned into the office of the company that the carer works for raising concerns about the care Mum gets and I'd already said to her we were happy and that our carer does more than she should and stays longer than scheduled. So I am bit annoyed to discover this has happened without me being told directly and first.
In some ways its good that all the departments are talking with each other and working as a team but in another way they are causing un-necessary trouble/ill feeling.
I've explained in many ways Mum's bedroom is like a bedsit where she can sit at the window and watch what's happening outside, she can listen to my mp3 player and enjoy lots of music or read something(Mum has talked of having a TV installed)It is warmer upstairs than downstairs but she does go downstairs if there is something she wishes to watch on TV and sometimes for her meals.
If when she is able she has access to the bathroom, toilet and everything is on one level so being upstairs makes a lot of sense. Its warmer too.
Also, a carer can do what she is meant to but within minutes of leaving I could be doing the same task the carer has just completed. We cannot have a carer or nurse here 24 hours a day and I am the main carer.
The impression is that they want us to have someone here every day but we do not feel it is necessary nor could we afford it at this time. Already for approx 100 minutes a week it costs approx £70 per month.
So if it was increased in frequency, more calls per day/week what is it going to cost? And by saying that I am not saying Mum isn't worth it.
So as I await the Social Worker this afternoon I am debating whether to be blunt and basically have it out with them(whether that make us popular or not)or whether to try and find a way of making my points without getting off on a bad foot about what's happening.
When I needed help from the Social Worker and left a message for her weeks ago regarding possible problems about Mum and myself getting to hospital I heard nothing...where was she then?
I am also sure that she walked past me some weeks ago and deliberately kept her head down and avoided eye contact in the town centre and all she'd have had to do was say "Hello" not get into a conversation but when she comes today she'll be saying that she cannot do enough for us...
The District Nurse service is a valuable service and I am sure that most of the time they do a very good job and are dedicated(They often are used in cases where people need to be cared for "In the Community" and often have serious long term conditions/illnesses so they cannot be kept in hospital etc...but lately they said they were going to call twice a week(but its still only a weekly visit)so even they do not always do what they say that they will.
Also, on the grapevine I heard one topic brought up was Mum having dirty fingernails(I am always looking after her hand care with cream, soap, a scrubbing brush and so on)and so does the carer(even Mum herself)Mum has always looked after her hygiene...but if you just happen to hit a time between cleaning sessions as perhaps the District Nurse may've its wrong to think that's like that all the time. I can wear protective gloves but its quite easy for Mum to accidentally get dirty hands. And again this was the day/time where I was very busy looking for something and waiting for someone to call.
It seems a case of "Jobs Worth" for the sake of it. It's times like this when you start to wish you did not have to use such services and could go private and this is when you see why such departments are disliked or treated suspiciously by the public in general.
Could be an interesting visit...
Update:It was very interesting and to some extent I am very angry. Even if I was to say "Its all for Mum's good and her well being!" I feel as though I have been forced into accepting what "They" want us to do. I also felt as though our carer is being singled out as though she is not doing her job. And both Mum and myself are perfectly happy with what she has done.
The carer washes and cleans Mum. Sometimes a bath, sometimes a blanket bath. She checks Mum over regarding the area that is a problem and applies creams etc...She dresses Mum. I have seen what she does(she has often stayed longer than her official allotted time)But this one District Nurse has felt that she should make a complaint and has caused un-necessary trouble and worry for us and our carer.
I appreciate you hear of some horror stories and of some carers not doing what they should or are paid for but the crazy thing is that other District Nurses have been present when the carer is doing the work. And seemingly they've had nothing to say so must have been ok with what they saw.
I was able to dismiss most of the things that there was concerns about.
The upshot is that we are now being forced to have a carer every day not alternative days and I think that they are trying to stop us having a break over Christmas and the New Year.
I'm not turning down offers of help, I never have, if we need extra help I will ask.
Why now? We've had our carer for almost 3 months...
But here's what I did not like...I thought that I was being seen by the Social Worker on her own.
Instead, the Social Worker and the District Nurse turned up as a team. If I had been the Social Worker I would have listened to what the District Nurse had to say, then myself and make a decision or compromise after what I was told if I thought any action should be taken.
But because they turned up together I could not say all that I might've. And they had one little trick planned...I realised after they had gone...The Social Worker started to talk to Mum asking what the carer does for her and in the meantime the District Nurse occupied me so I could not hear what Mum was saying or that I could not influence what Mum said.
It turns out Mum's fingernails were a little dirty when the District Nurse called(I wasn't supposed to know that and maybe giving that example I have blown my contact and questions may be asked how I knew that)
Well its not worth going into detail why that might be but I know that the carer and myself are always cleaning Mum's hands and also I use some that special liquid you can buy to kill bacteria if you haven't access to water. Perhaps just on that visit it was so if she'd called 15 minutes or earlier it probably would not have been the case.
Mum's hair was untidy...(she'd only been awake for a few minutes)and who has tidy hair if you are in bed asleep? And Mum does comb her hair and keeps it tidy normally.
There are other examples but as I always say no matter how many carers you have or how often they call its what happens the other twenty three and half hours that no one is coming to see to her. You can't have care 24/7 and again with extra care the cost will increase too.
And they are saying Mum isn't capable of making such a decision but I realise that was because Mum had just woken from a little sleep and was still not wide awake and because Mum kept saying she was happy with the care she receives but perhaps did not say "Well, I get washed and dressed on a morning" etc...just that she is very happy with the care she receives and they have ignored what I said.
And as for not understanding...when I went upstairs after they'd been and told Mum what they had agreed and decided, Mum said herself "I don't want it!" and she is worried she is going to loe the carer she has become used to.
I am not sure where we go from here...I think the Social Worker had no right(possibly later it would've been ok)to arrive with someone else who was involved in the situation.
She should have talked to me alone.
I think that the District Nurse even if she felt she had to complain should've talked to me in greater detail first. If she had I don't think the complaint was necessary and could've been avoided.
I don't think it has been handled correctly at all. They said that they are not the "Heavy Squad" They seem pretty Heavy to me even though they keep trying to say its all for Mum's good.
To be fair I realise that you are only hearing one side of the story. You do start to feel as though your life is not your own...I don't lose my temper but did a little the way I was being treated and not being listened to, I don't like to lose my temper, its not me...heaven knows what they said to each other as they drove home and what will go in their reports which we will never see.
To be honest the carer has done much more than the District Nurses have in all the time we've been visited.
The only good thing we've had from the DN's is some pants to save us buying them. Anything else has been given from other departments of the health service not the District Nurses.
And as I say, any care has been done by "The Carer"
Three District Nurses call once in a while and the other two seem to be ok about the care...just this one seems to be a bit over zealous but she's convinced the Social Worker so...
As the carer is doing all that she should I feel bad that she may be taken off our case or have a warning on her working record and I am so tempted to phone the company and tell them we were very happy and it was not us complaining(We'd just filled in a customer satisfaction survey which was all positive...now this...)
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 11:49 am
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