Is This Really Happening...

I don't think that Mum is strong or will last long enough to attend her next hospital appointment for her results. We may be surprised and with plenty of care from nurses in our home and making her comfortable Mum may surprise us all. She is very ill, I thought I'd lost her a few times in the night with shortness of breath and times where she went quiet all together.

We may need a Dr to give some drugs or treatment.

I'm debating whether(even if the District nurses/social services are involved whether to contact some of the volunteer support services around as well or instead of depending on the District nurses or Social services. Its all new to me. We have the Macmillan Nurses service, Marie Curie Nurses(both are charities)and a couple of hospices in the area(one I believe even comes out and does home visits)and when times are really tough some of these organisations sleep overnight with the patient.

Its all new to me and I am learning as much as anyone. Mum still wants to stay in her own home. If I can grant that wish I will and she wants me to be there.

Its like living in a dream, more so because of the speed everything seems to have happened.

Hopefully, I'll know more after this afternoon...

I cannot imagine what Mum is going through but I don't feel like eating or drinking, my mouth is dry, I have a lump in my throat and stomach is all churned up. I want Mum to be with me of course I do but I don't her to suffer or be here longer than she can bare. At least she will be given drugs to ease the pain and eventually help her drift into a peaceful slumber.

Update:Well, the Social Worker called. What a lovely lady and she gave us both so much of her time...I talked her ears off.

We've initially come to the agreement that Mum will have care alternative days but as she gets worse or feels comfortable with having a carer, we'll increase this to perhaps every day.

We have to pay...the rate is £10 an hour but depending on how long it takes to do the tasks required will decide what the cost actually is.

We've also managed to get a nice time for the carer to call...approx 9.30am-10am so its not too early.

It appears that whoever we owe the money to, do not care whether the money comes out of savings or is paid another way as long as its paid.

I also feel much happier regarding Mum's meagre savings and what I am allowed to do when managing it on her behalf whilst she's here and if I come into any that remains, I will not have someone standing over me watching every penny that I spend.

I need to make Mum's time more comfortable, but the Social Worker said that I need to bring the house up to modern standards for my own comfort too so I have a decent life ahead, so I can spend it on furniture, carpets etc...and the items expected to to have a decent standard of living like replacing or buying a vacuum cleaner, washer etc... So I feel so much more positive about "Our" time together and my own future.

But I so wish this wasn't happening.

If/when I hit a certain threshold I will be entitled to help again...

Been trying to build up Mum's strength again, today she's had two complan meals made up with full bodied milk, a small meal with a fried egg(In olive oil)and concentrating on the yolk, spaghetti hoops and chicken. Pureed banana with milk. And later she had some toast with marmite and a small chicken sandwich.

Again whilst she can eat and get nourishment out of food(one day it won't be possible)I am determined to do what I can for now.

And some friends are giving hope that Mum might/should be allowed chemo again having been told otherwise and that we still should press for the chance and not just accept what we have been told already. Even pushing for a second opinion. Not just because great strides have been made in treatment and how its used but they can get it wrong and even if correct some people do respond.