How Do We Survive Until Friday? How Do We Survive After Friday?

Its starting to hit home that Friday is the day we receive news that a miracle has happened and everyone is wrong or it is what we fear and possibly how long Mum has. Whether there are any options if Chemo is out.

When I lost Dad we had each other to give support and strength. I can give that to Mum and in a strange way even though Mum is the victim, she manages to send such vibes my way.

Mum is starting to think about Friday so this week will be difficult.

I remember when my Father went into hospital and we were told "We cannot get him better but we can make him comfortable" Twelve hours later it was over...Well, no it wasn't as I had to start to arrange everything. I had to collect the few personal possessions from the hospital. You go in with a person and come home with a few "bits and bobs"

I also remember having to leave Father so they could do tests and whatever they do and Mum and myself walking from the hospital into the town centre and trying to get a cup of tea and very light snack(How we ate I don't know)we just cried and cried and did the same when trying to eat our meal. People must've wondered what was wrong.

I suspect there will be a lot of crying and holding of each other this Friday too.

I cannot begin to think how we'll come to terms with what we are told and how we are expected to continue trying to have so called "Normal" life.

Oh I know I/we are not alone and why should we not be touched by sorrow when thousands are daily/yearly. The sad fact is as we get older it will be either someone we love that leaves our lives or it will be ourselves.

Of course I wonder what the future holds, financially I'll struggle. With new rules being brought in I'll probably be forced to go along with some new rules to continue getting entitlement to help being not so good health wise so that will be a worry. I have heard too many cases to dismiss the scare stories as just that.

I'll worry that I can keep a roof over my head.

I hope too but there is no guarantee this can be done and perhaps its a daft idea to use up any savings which are precious...I want to take a year off and not think about anything at all.

I'd like to go on a holiday but if you spend money wildly that will go down like a lead balloon and if you did manage a holiday to try and improve your mental state, someone, somewhere will say if you are well enough to go away, you are fit ...period.

So in a way you are a prisoner in your home. And you never know when you may be called in for tests regarding your eligibility so how can you go away?

Anecdotally, I read the other day of someone who has difficulty going out and some carers had said it would do this person good to go out and join some kind of class to improve confidence etc...

On the way a taxi driver was talking and he asked if this person was on holiday, she was honest and explained she was on the sick and going to the leisure centre to take part in something that hopefully will improve her health, he came back with a typical response..."You Don't Look Ill" Many of us don't!

I'd love to be in a position where I am not beholden to any Government department but when you are on a low income or are having to accept help they have you hook, line and sinker. If you accept the "King's Shilling" to use an old saying, you cannot complain if you have to jump through hoops and meet the criteria the Government lays down. Many have no choice. I wish that I did not have to.

The hatred stirred up by the media and politicians against all people who are helped in some way by the state has created a "them" and "us" situation where society is divided.

I think that life can be very sad...

The future is going to be very uncertain.

I have people saying that I should be able to stay where I am and have a reasonable life and changes coming are more likely to affect new people who need help but if I because of Mum's meagre savings have to come off state help say for a year or so until I reach a certain threshold, when I re-apply I will be classed as a new claimant so I will be affected. So naturally I'm worried.

I suspect I will have to move and I'm used to my location, neighbours, being close to the shops, a safe and quiet area and of course I want to keep the Doctors I have always had.

I feel it just the same for those who survive with little security and have to decide whether to heat a home or eat well.

I feel it for those who have to work hard and hold done many menial but important jobs just to try and have income to keep a roof over their heads and have to watch every penny.

When the fridge/freezer broke down last evening and we had to send out for Fish and Chips, it really was a treat but if I was alone I doubt I could ever afford to order such a meal in for myself. What an example of life in 21st UK.

My Auntie used to wear a think coat and a woollen hat and keep warming up a hot water bottle to try and stay warm. Don't be surprised if I have to...