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Location: United Kingdom

Perhaps you'll learn more about me as you read my blog. For anyone who translates my blog using the translator facility, don't forget if you wish to read the comments in your own language to click on the title of the post down the left hand side otherwise they will remain in english. Also I assume that the translation is accurate but I don't know, so please allow for errors.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Troubled Sleep...

Probably still to do with going through the grieving process(and now worrying about my finances and facing form filling, probably a medical assessment)and once awake thoughts race through my mind and then getting back to sleep can be difficult. And yet until now, sleeping has not been much of a problem thankfully. I want to avoid sleeping tablets(besides they are not given easily by the Doctors at my surgery)and recent research suggest that they can contribute to other health issues including falls, confusion and dementia.

I had a dream earlier in the night which I am sure Mum was a part of but I cannot remember now how much she played in it and how clearly she was seen. But I can remember some of it here and things that I have talked of recently have worked their way into it...such as missing a bus that was going to take us on a tour somewhere and I managed to get it to return to give us the chance to board it after all. Well, that obviously has some connection to my letter and talking about the poor bus service.

Then I could not find my way to the pick up point and Mum so found myself taking a wrong turning and ending up lost in an old graveyard, I suspect that is to do with talk of Mum's laying to rest and my past worries about my own future health wise. Bit morbid isn't it? It probably only lasted a few minutes but you feel like a dream has gone on for ages.

I don't remember dreams much these days and have never looked up the meanings before but found this a few minutes ago...

"To dream that you are waiting for a bus indicates a temporary setback in achieving your personal goals. If you miss the bus, then it indicates that an aspect of your life is out of control. You need to slow down and map out a new plan."
"To dream that you are at a graveyard represents the discarded aspects of yourself. You may be fearing the unknown. Alternatively, the graveyard indicates a loss or a period of mourning."
"To dream that you are lost suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life.

Alternatively, being lost means that you are still adjusting to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing."

There is more but they were the most appropriate points to what I remembered of my dream.
Interesting? Never been sure if I believe in interpreting dreams but then again, I don't know how I feel about spiritualism but there are so many things that are unknown and and that are difficult to explain away. What's that quote from a Shakespear play possibly Hamlet. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
If you want a link to the dream website, here it is...Dream Moods
There are others of course...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think because you lived with your Mother all your life, didn't seen to have any friends & havn't worked for the last 28 years or so, it's not surprising all your dreams are about your Mother & all your worries are about lack of money.
When your Mother was alive & you had the heating on all the time ,did you ever
think ahead to when she was no longer with you, & plan how you were going to cope financially ? Perhaps it would have been a good idea in the past to try & get just a part time job, & then you wouldn't be stressing out as you are now !

18 November 2012 at 10:16  
Blogger The Great Gildersleeve said...

How can you plan financially if saving affects what you are entitled to, you cannot save because you are penalised.

If you try to put money into some kind of scheme which might mean you are unable to touch it for years, it's not allowed. Even if the idea is that you are doing it for your old age.

I have worked in the period that you mention(Voluntarily and paid)applied for work whilst my health was ok.

I have done all the training and work programmes that I had to and filled all the conditions to get what I was entitled to...

Had my Father not died so young and only after approx a year of retirement there were plans Mum and Dad would have done so much together and probably buy this house so that would now be mine.

There was a period where I might have been living in the States with an American girlfriend but things don't always go the way that you plan...what might I have done out there? Who knows. Then again if I had taken ill out there I'd have less help than I get now.

How many friends we make in life do we stay in contact with?

Many are those you see at work but leave behind when the working day is over. How many school chums do you remain in contact with?

My best friend at school occasionally stays in touch but being a holiday rep we don't see each other that often.

He can say that he is financially sound(I don't know if he has property of his own)and he can say he has seen the world so probably is rewarded.

But he has a broken relationship and a child. So it hasn't all been plain sailing.

Is he happier than me? Who knows...If things stayed as they are I am not well off but I could manage.

I would not worry, things wil be tight but I could possibly see an odd theatre show, feed myself, keep a roof over my head, keep the internet going and eventually stay warmer than at present and be reasonably happy until my dying day but they keep moving the goalposts...they want more from you when you have less to give...I have cut my coat according to the cloth that I have and just wonder how much further I can cut it.

I am really quite economical but what troubles me, I have no control over such as paying the essential. I can accept having very little.

The killer is what affects all of us, being able to keep a roof over your head, staying warm and having food on the table. Life isn't fair. Nor do I expect it to be given to me on a plate even it sometimes comes across that way.

Life sometimes seems full of "If's" But you still have to count your blessings. But who doesn't have some regrets?

18 November 2012 at 12:05  
Blogger The Great Gildersleeve said...

I should add that I don't dream much(or I don't remember them if I do)and not in a horrible way nor do I dream about money troubles or my parents but as losing Mum is still quite recent I think it is understandable.

I think I am still doing quite well considering I am not getting councilling or on any drugs.

18 November 2012 at 12:12  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Perhaps it would have been a good idea in the past to try & get just a part time job, & then you wouldn't be stressing out as you are now !"

That is probably the most naive thing I've read to date.

Do you honestly believe that those things insulate you from the exact same troubles Gildy is having right now?

Trust me. One very bad illness and you can lose EVERYTHING!

So maybe you should get off your high-horse and be thankful you aren't in his shoes. And throw a little compassion in there while your at it.


20 November 2012 at 02:42  

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