Return To Some Sad Things...
Today I awoke to the radio news and that the NHS is accused of age discrimination and some treatments that are routine and could make a difference to people who are older and could benefit from medical procedures giving them independence and possibly allow them to avoid care, nursing homes and expensive drugs are not being carried out and mainly for the usual reason of age discrimination.Some articles are starting to appear in the newspapers.
Also am urgent request from MP's questioning that the Liverpool Pathway Plan(just found this link from June) most that most hospitals and care homes are following is in question and MP's are calling for the plan to reviewed and already I heard something that suggests that's what happened to Mum(including not giving any water)and the night before Mum passed away the Nursing Home would not give any just little sponges dipped in water and Mum really sucked on them and was obviously thirsty.
I managed to get a drink into Mum on the morning about 90 mins before I lost her and she really enjoyed it...How does this make me feel? Hearing all this and it all ties in with the concern about hospital food again in the last day or two and patients being neglected at mealtimes...sounds like my fears may not be so wrong after all...How is this going to make me feel?
Especially looking at the comments on the Telegraph article...I believe Mum may have been helped along the way. Can I say that?
It is too late but I am debating whether to accept matters or just to feel better even though they cannot act on my complaint to put my views in anyhow...if they do a consultation on LCP I will certainly make my opinion known even if it makes me unpopular.
And again we have more concern about the food served in hospital, how often does that come up? It would help if many patients could be sure they even got the food inside them as often(and I have seen it)patients have food brought to them and...taken away. Mum would not have had the amount of nourishment she managed to get without me I know that. If you go back through my blog there were times you'll find that the Nursing Home managed to forget to offer her any food and that was one that is said to be one of the best and has passed all the criteria that the Government lays down when they go into them and check them out.
Also am urgent request from MP's questioning that the Liverpool Pathway Plan(just found this link from June) most that most hospitals and care homes are following is in question and MP's are calling for the plan to reviewed and already I heard something that suggests that's what happened to Mum(including not giving any water)and the night before Mum passed away the Nursing Home would not give any just little sponges dipped in water and Mum really sucked on them and was obviously thirsty.
I managed to get a drink into Mum on the morning about 90 mins before I lost her and she really enjoyed it...How does this make me feel? Hearing all this and it all ties in with the concern about hospital food again in the last day or two and patients being neglected at mealtimes...sounds like my fears may not be so wrong after all...How is this going to make me feel?
Especially looking at the comments on the Telegraph article...I believe Mum may have been helped along the way. Can I say that?
It is too late but I am debating whether to accept matters or just to feel better even though they cannot act on my complaint to put my views in anyhow...if they do a consultation on LCP I will certainly make my opinion known even if it makes me unpopular.
And again we have more concern about the food served in hospital, how often does that come up? It would help if many patients could be sure they even got the food inside them as often(and I have seen it)patients have food brought to them and...taken away. Mum would not have had the amount of nourishment she managed to get without me I know that. If you go back through my blog there were times you'll find that the Nursing Home managed to forget to offer her any food and that was one that is said to be one of the best and has passed all the criteria that the Government lays down when they go into them and check them out.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 6:54 pm
10 Comments:
Gildy, did they say at your Mum's post mortem that the cancer had spread ? If it had, would you really have wanted to prolong her suffering more by keeping her alive even longer ?
They never really gave that much information that it had spread that greatly they had always said it would be slow and we would be age or something else that would take her.
I switch between the logic you suggest and then the uncertainty. I have tried to learn as much as I can about what happened...I guess you always wonder.
Well you're perfectly entitled to read your Mum's post mortem, you can apply to the Coroner's office I think .
It's difficult to know what is for the best. I always remember when I met the Coroner's representative at the Coop she asked was I planning on sueing the Nursing Home which I thought a strange question and I said not unless they had any reason to think something was wrong.
They said Mum was not dehydrated or malnutritoned and the first reason given for her passing was Pnuemonia and cancer second.
A relative who has a partner who works in a home thought some of Mum's care was questionable and all this I have read in recent days makes me wonder.
But if I find this is true how will I accept it and how will I cope if I thought I had let Mum down? The guilt I will feel.
How would it be your fault if does turn out that those who were supposed to be taking care of your Mum didn't?
You didn't know that.
Let's put it this way, Gildy. If the exact same situation were to happen...but it was me and my Mom...would you think it was my fault? Probably not. So why are you harder on yourself?
Jan
I know...what you say makes sense Jan...I think it is a case of Mum could have had a little longer(but who knows)
I remember Mum before she was ill said to me that she did not "Want to go yet!" I know it is not our decision when we do but it shows that she was not tired of life.
Had a better week and not been so deep. I had a bit of a wobble this morning for maybe an hour but generally I'm ok...apart from watching the heating bill...
From what you've said, you may very well be right. The care, or lack thereof, could have taken her sooner than it should have been.
I don''t envy you that at all. I have some similar issues with one of the hospital's here and my own Mom's care.
What concerns me is that you blame yourself.
I'm not sure how you get there, but I think it's important for you to find a way to deal with all of that without feeling guilty because it was not your fault.
You are not a doctor. You are not in a health care professional. So how could you possibly know what they were doing was wrong?
What you did suspect you tried to correct to the best of your ability. I really don't think there was anything else you could have done at the time.
As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, knowing what I know now, there are many, many things I would have done differently in regards to my Mom's care, but I didn't know these things at the time.
Ignorance is not a fault. It is what it is. If you don't know...you don't know.
Anyhoo, I really hope you can figure out a solution to your heating problem. That's is worrisome.
But I am happy your feeling better! Hopefully you'll have more of those days than the other ones. :o)
Jan
Well, I guess the only thing is Jan, we are all going to go eventually :o(
Mum's time may still have been not much longer(as said I guess it is not knowing)
I am feeling reasonably calm and positive over it all I think and I guess the worries over the future and the changes coming has acted as a diversion.
I have a report to write up of the concert that I saw earlier last night of the 60's pop group The Searchers, I'll get that written up soon...
It just makes me sad to hear you blaming yourself when I know you did everything possible for your Mum.
You fretted every day about what was right. I just down see how you could possibly have done more
It's so much to process, Gildy. It will take awhile. You''ll make peace with it all eventually. Actually, I think you're doing remarkably well. :o)
I'm really looking forward to your review! Hope you had a blast! :o)
Jan
Dare I say that "That I think I am doing quite well too and I don't spend as my blog probably suggests "Hours" going over and over it all...
I do find myself being more interested in music again, even if buying it is less likely, I am able to watch more TV and am more on here now and hopefully this will increase if income can cover the cost. And yes though I eat less I am bothering to do something different rather than repeat the same meals every day.
It's the little things that all add up and if I was that depressed that would suffer.
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