Earlier In The Week On My Blog...
I mentioned that I awoke to hear that the care plan Mum seems to have found herself on is being questioned and many think it is being used as back door euthanasia. Tonight it was discussed on a BBC Radio programme for around an hour and there were so many similar stories and similarities I have to come to the conclusion that Mum was allowed to pass away. Also this article appeared in the Daily Telegraph and this in The Daily Mail.
OK Mum may not have lasted until now but I realise that they sedated her, I heard of the drugs they give and what they do and it all fits in with what happened to Mum. I also discovered from callers who phoned in, many questioned what was happening perhaps more than me and their loved ones lasted longer or even recovered, the last caller took their relative home and a year on she is still here. I also discovered thanks to the programme the "Liverpool Care Pathway" is arranged and has heavy involvement with the Marie Curie Charity.
As I write this my stomach is in turmoil.
So how do I get over that? Who knows...I can't bring Mum back and I cannot see how talking it over or even being given anti depressants etc...will take away this feeling of guilt. Funny to think approx 2 hours before I lost her I was trying to get a Dr to come and see Mum as I was unhappy about things...
What can you do?
OK Mum may not have lasted until now but I realise that they sedated her, I heard of the drugs they give and what they do and it all fits in with what happened to Mum. I also discovered from callers who phoned in, many questioned what was happening perhaps more than me and their loved ones lasted longer or even recovered, the last caller took their relative home and a year on she is still here. I also discovered thanks to the programme the "Liverpool Care Pathway" is arranged and has heavy involvement with the Marie Curie Charity.
As I write this my stomach is in turmoil.
So how do I get over that? Who knows...I can't bring Mum back and I cannot see how talking it over or even being given anti depressants etc...will take away this feeling of guilt. Funny to think approx 2 hours before I lost her I was trying to get a Dr to come and see Mum as I was unhappy about things...
What can you do?
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 1:11 am
5 Comments:
You could try to find out more but that will not help. Best to know that you did what you could, you did a lot more than many do, you could have done no more and your mum is 'at rest'. Now think about other things.
You are probably right Span...
It's still early days and 55 years with someone is a lifetime.
Lots to think about and many uncertainties for the future.
My Dad still feels guilty about my Mum's death - but there's absolutely nothing could have done, and the advice my sister give him is very similar to Span's
You can probe too much Ian. Sometimes you get the best advice and yet the most simplest from friends such as yourself(and Span)
Perhaps guilt is a normal reaction and part of the process we have to go through.
It's strange I was more accepting of my Father's passing. And at that time this plan did not exist.
This plan has made accepting the situation worse and added to my concern.
Perhaps it was easier to accept Dad's passing because I still had Mum and she had me, we were there for each other.
Also with so much time having passed my recollections have dulled and if I had been writing a diary or a blog back then I'd see things differently.
I hope that your that your Dad is coping and finding some peace. You and your sister too.
A check out lady in Tesco's asked after me last night and was genuinely sorry to hear about Mum and concerned about me, she said that she cannot imagine what it will be like when she loses her Mum but told me that she felt devastated when her MIL passed away 7 years ago and still cries when she thinks of her...
Thank you :o)
I was not asked if I minded Mum went on the plan, I was told that she would be and that Mum was going to pass away. I was handed a badly photocopied piece of paper with the plan on it.
Mum rallied and managed to get to a Nursing Home but I am 99% they sedated her and hastened her death and I will never be able to forgive those who were involved with Mum in her final weeks...and I feel troubled about this and always will.
I will always wonder if I let Mum down...perhaps she might still be here without this plan or might've only had a few more weeks, I'll never know...
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