I Have Been Doing So Well...

But this last hour or so I have found myself struggling and once again thinking that I let Mum down...for a few days she was hot in bed and sweating even the nurse on duty took her temperature over night. It's that little word with such a big meaning "If" only I had called a Dr in would they have been able to give her antibiotics and save her... Why did I not do something about it?

But I'm only going over old ground and if I start to beat myself up what  am I going to get out of that? I am still wondering if they were giving Mum too much morphine in the end so she could not stay awake and talk with me? Or had Mum been seen sooner and survived were we just delaying things and would that have been worse?

Now, I have discovered that I have missed a phone called from the Crematorium regarding the laying to rest of Mum. Is it coincidence that I feel as I do on the day that I received that call or a kind of sixth sense.

I'll come around...It's just a wobble which will happen, now and again...