It's Not Getting Any Easier...

Walk don't run!

I keep saying that but the taxi has now been booked for our appointment on Friday.

The Social Worker was due to visit again today to see how we are getting on and see how the plan she started is going regarding having a carer call alternative days but we've had a phone call saying she is ill so its been put back to next Tuesday by which time we'll have been given a glimmer of hope or the worst case scenario.

I don't know why but if the carer is supposed to be coming alternative days and she started last Thursday that would mean...

Thursday, Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday and so on but for some reason her time sheet says and it seems it cannot be changed she will be here Wednesday and Thursday this week and then return on Saturday so that's two days together. I thought if she came on Friday Mum would be prepared(Dressed, washed, cleaned)to go to the hospital.

Mum is still able to dress herself.

So it will be down to me then...

The scariest part about Friday is that we appear to have already been told treatment is out but I keep reading of people having scans, x-rays and other tests, being told even if weak they have been given the chance of Chemo and/or surgery.

Mum had surgery and General anaesthetic for a hip operation two years ago and came through it so well and within two hours was asking for me. Mum has improved in the last two weeks gaining weight and an appetite again(maybe through the blood transfusion and my getting nourishment into her)So if she seemed weak a week ago, this must work in her favour?

I know everyone is different but I hear so much of how chemo shrinks tumours even if they are in the lungs or liver and kills them altogether or reduces them greatly.

Some people have a combination of chemo and radio therapy(and surgery too)

It seems we'll be offered treatment where they slow it down but it isn't cured so we are living with a time line hanging over us.

Or does ruling Chemo out altogether mean we're on a time scale and waiting for the inevitable. Years ago I heard of some men that have Prostate Cancer but the progress is so slow that old age kills the person before the disease does.

I keep reading from reliable sources that Bowel Cancer is a very slow growing type(hence why they keep saying its important to catch it early)but also the fact it slow can mean for many you could be lucky even if you are given treatment that makes you comfortable old age may get you first. Look at me trying to convince myself there are more positives than negatives.

Its a minefield.

I was told by a GP who saw us before Mum started her visits to hospital treatment would only be refused on whether she is weak. Not age or cost.

I think Mum is the kind of person who would rather go for it and it fail and her lose the fight quicker than live longer and know what's coming.

Its so difficult trying to decide what to ask, what to accept on Friday. Whether to question what we are offered.

I remember when I was diagnosed with kidney problems things were progressing nicely then one day the chairs were pulled together and the Consultant had some very bad news to impart. If it had not been for his trials of a combination of drugs that had helped another patient and he was giving me the option of following a similar route, I doubt I'd be writing this.

Perhaps there is a trial Mum could take part in?