I'm Going To Say It!

My views may be different next week...next year...whenever!

Life goes on...it has to...

But...

I can't see the point to it all.

I can appreciate the joy in a child's laugh. The beauty of a flower. The night sky with the moon and stars. The touch, the hug and kiss of a loved one. A piece of music that excites or moves you to tears...

I guess you can make a very long list and we all have our own examples but whatever is special we are all filling in time and everything has to be left behind. So whatever we experience will eventually mean absolutely nothing.

What makes me who I am will be lost.

I hate the thought of going and yet had I not been born I would be none the wiser that the world exists. It is strange to think that we will probably return to the same state.

Unless we really have a soul that is able to continue somewhere else and yet when you see what we are made of as clever as it is we are told that we are mainly a mixture of chemical that interact and tell us when to eat, drink, sleep. Depending on how everything works it determines how long we live, what illnesses we get etc...

They can even tell us where our emotions are and suggest where our consciousness is but what is it?

None of us know.

I don't think my views to be weird or strange and I think many at some point will ask or think such thoughts and probably even more the older we become.

Perhaps I feel as I do because today would have been my Father's Birthday. Had he lived bless him he would have been eighty nine. And within approx 4 weeks it will be twenty nine years since I was last able to see or talk to him. I'm going to play this for my Dad. Rainbow's End by Lou Busch

That tune has a childhood connection to my Dad and annual holidays at southern coastal restort called Bournemouth.

I wish that I could remember more than I do or had asked more of Mum whilst she was here about her life and what she did and thought. Same with Dad for that matter.

Mum told me when she was a child she had thought all the things that I do such as will and had worried if her Mum would be around next year.

At that time her own Mum would've been young in reality(I've never checked but I am guessing around the age of thirty "ish" and I seem to remember(I could be wrong)Mum had noticed on this particular occasion it had been very cold and windy outside and she had found herself thinking of the lonely and those who had passed on, she had been upset and I think my Gran had managed to give comfort and find the right words to make everything well again. Thirty plus probably seemed old in those days, perhaps to a child it still does.

Here's an extra little insight, church was very important in people's lives and she used to attend the Pentecostal church in her town but what we called Pentecostal then is probably very different to today.

There was a time when some people visted who talked about their missionary work...and Mum went through a period(not sure how old she was or how long she felt this way)but she wanted to become a missionary too.