It May Be Seen As Weakness

but thoughts do pop into your head. From where who knows. And I got to thinking I know many in society are by others and authorities often have no choice but to take action if the actions of one can affect the safety of many. And it is heartbreaking if someone you love is destroying themselves by using some form of recreational drugs whether that is drink or some drug that is smoked or taken into the bloodstream.

If addicted which is usually the consequence this is so difficult not least for the person taking the substance.

I don't think that I could criticise anyone who commits suicide, you must be so troubled to go through with such an idea. If yosu have not experienced depression or a mental illness it is too easy to dismiss.

And yet...feeling as I do tonight I can't condemn or put down anyone looking for a way to blank out emotional pain. I can quite understand how being able to dull thoughts, possibly sleep or live in another world appeals even if for a short period of time and you have to come back to reality.

Then again, I am not the kind of person who would get blotto or looking for someone to supply a fix. Am I stronger than others, I don't believe I could say, just that it is something I would not consider. Besides. I would be more scared of the consequences should I survive and find I had done myself damage which I would have to live with. And I suppose we all have to live through pain and grief finding our own way through it.

There was a programme on BBC Radio 4 yesterday "Something Understood" talking about letting go the programme can be heard anywhere in the world via the link but only for the next 7 days should you wish to listen but I may try and load some clips after the date via Audioboo...if I can see how that works...That is allowed I believe if you don't post large amounts of audio. And I will give credit to anything I post.

The programme quotes from Leonard Cohen's song Anthem "Don't dwell on what
has passed away, Or what is yet to be!"

Mark Tully(The presenter)as he makes  his closing pitch says that nothing is permanent so we are constantly letting go all the time whether we like it or not, people, experiences and things will go away but perhaps if we accept that we will worry less about what is to come but it is not easy when it is the pain of losing a loved one. I can give comfort, sympathy and support to others but that is still not the same as being the person who is feeling the experience for themselves.

A contributor who's husband passed away says something along the following lines.

Often after someone passes away, the next year you may find yourself measuring time by saying "Last December 25th we did this together etc..." and pick out various events shared perhaps a meal, going to the theatre etc...even time spent caring for someone but...then you enter a time where you cannot do that because that person did not see or experience that time with you or share the experience so your point of reference changes.

Perhaps this is how we learn never to forget but find a way of peace and acceptance, a way to go on...I mean Mum was around last February for her birthday and passed away in April this year that won't be the case...so I may say "This would have been Mum's birthday" but that's just it, would is not the same as "It is!" and of course I'll remember the day I lost Mum but that also is in the past now.

This is not meant to sound miserable or depressing. Perhaps it is a way of accepting things.