Had Another Dream Again...
Could be another anxiety dream and also part of the grieving process...
Don't remember much and some really is not important but both Mum and Dad were in it.
However the bedroom tax played its part(I suppose worrying about finances in general)but basically I was saying "We've nothing to worry about!" As "You are both alive!" "and "If anything happens to one you, we're still OK!" "As we have enough to pay for one room even if money is tight."
Then I woke up and for a split second I forgot that my parents have passed away, that I am alone and all these changes coming in(Not just for me, before I get criticised)
I can't remember another time when I have dreamt about finances in a dream.
I know that not all dreams are nice but when you are asleep(and don't dream)or you have a dream where everything is nice, it's a great place to escape to...but then you still have to come back to reality...
Before I saw Nicholas Parsons last night, three youngish lads were doing no harm and obviously hadn't a care in the world. There were riding their bikes. They stopped by the theatre just to use the public toilets and then hopped back on their bikes and then somone shouted something about "I know where to go...The Snooker Hall!" and they dashed off at great speed laughing and joking.
I wonder if they realise what life has in store for them? I don't suppose that they do. I assume they are still at home with parents but once they have to start looking for work, thinking about the future and the responsibilities it brings, looking for work, trying to claim any benefits they are entitled, finding relationships, losing loved ones, illness, getting older etc...no wonder many of us lose the "Joy" of living and the older we the pleasures reduce or become simpler and the chance to do something that's fun decrease.
It's not always so but really our childhoods are the best years of our lives and too much of it is spent worrying about the future and knowing what we are all heading towards.
Some of us may be living longer but are we really benefiting by doing so perhaps it was better having a shorter life but being healthier and not ending up with medical conditions that perhaps can be controlled but restrict what we can do and the thought of ending up in a home terrifies me.
Don't remember much and some really is not important but both Mum and Dad were in it.
However the bedroom tax played its part(I suppose worrying about finances in general)but basically I was saying "We've nothing to worry about!" As "You are both alive!" "and "If anything happens to one you, we're still OK!" "As we have enough to pay for one room even if money is tight."
Then I woke up and for a split second I forgot that my parents have passed away, that I am alone and all these changes coming in(Not just for me, before I get criticised)
I can't remember another time when I have dreamt about finances in a dream.
I know that not all dreams are nice but when you are asleep(and don't dream)or you have a dream where everything is nice, it's a great place to escape to...but then you still have to come back to reality...
Before I saw Nicholas Parsons last night, three youngish lads were doing no harm and obviously hadn't a care in the world. There were riding their bikes. They stopped by the theatre just to use the public toilets and then hopped back on their bikes and then somone shouted something about "I know where to go...The Snooker Hall!" and they dashed off at great speed laughing and joking.
I wonder if they realise what life has in store for them? I don't suppose that they do. I assume they are still at home with parents but once they have to start looking for work, thinking about the future and the responsibilities it brings, looking for work, trying to claim any benefits they are entitled, finding relationships, losing loved ones, illness, getting older etc...no wonder many of us lose the "Joy" of living and the older we the pleasures reduce or become simpler and the chance to do something that's fun decrease.
It's not always so but really our childhoods are the best years of our lives and too much of it is spent worrying about the future and knowing what we are all heading towards.
Some of us may be living longer but are we really benefiting by doing so perhaps it was better having a shorter life but being healthier and not ending up with medical conditions that perhaps can be controlled but restrict what we can do and the thought of ending up in a home terrifies me.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 2:33 pm
9 Comments:
This bedroom tax only works if a family need your bedrooms and you don't want to move.
You don't do anything in the garden or maitainance on the house like windows, so surely this could be a fresh new start for you if get the cancil to give you a warden controled flat.The warden can then run your errands.
Well we'll see, I may still be able to absorb the tax and...I haven't ruled out having a lodger.
I hope if I do move it is not a matchbox. As long as I can have my double bed, room for my clothes, tv, pc's, some books, CD's and magazines, my food and kitchen gadgets...
I'll manage. Not really bothered about too much furniture. If space for food is short if they'll allow me to put up shelves that will get around that problem and I can put a curtain across the shelves...
Still got some time to decide things...Of course if I could ride out the changes, the next government might repeal them(might is the word)and if I reach retirement age, the BT does not affect you but we still don't know what the changes in CT will mean...for everyone...
Perhaps you need to go & see your GP about getting some counselling to come to terms with losing your Mother & your worrying about the future.
I agree with the above. I think you need some help with the grieving process and your GP should be your first port of call.
Personally, I think all of this is normal.
If you're able to get out of bed and get on with daily life you're doing well.
It's still only been a matter of months since your Mom passed and you're still processing all of that. If you weren't eating or getting out of bed then that would signify a serious depression.
Worry and anxiety are normal.
The further you go along, the easier it will be to also see the bright things in your life.
You already do, really. Your posts have worry and anxiety, but most of the time you try and put something hopeful in, which is a good sign. And you seem to be having good days and bad days, which is normal.
From what I'm reading you sound about right to me. :o)
Jan
Thank You Jan,
Is it more difficult doing it alone? I don't know. Would I find it easier if I had a family? Who knows...
My friends like yourself and even in the UK all saly live so far away.
But I did finally meet someone who lives on the town who I have talked to on line and one day I may start to attend the weekly music night that happens in a local "Pub" they have guests who put on a night of different types of music and all you are expected to do is possibly buy a drink and a raffle ticket.
This person I met goes there and says it's fun. So nothing to lose. It fills a couple of hours...
I do try to make an effort to do something even if it's pottering around on here.
But when you are listening to a radio and also its not really warm, it's so easy to dive under the duvet.
But if I think I am showing signs of depression I'll seek out help.
Yes, I absolutely get the sense that you would.
As your friend, of course I always want to hear that you're happy, but I also know when you're not happy on any given day, it doesn't necessarily mean it's time to get your head shrunk.
That's not to say it doesn't help to talk about it. It absolutely does and I'll always encourage you to do that, but from what I've read I don't necessarily think you need a professional...more of a buddy, really.
And you seem to be trying to get yourself out there where you can find a buddy that you can spend some time with, so I'm not overly concerned.
I know you well enough to know you are a kind, thoughtful, open person who enjoys music, a laugh and good conversation. I don't think you'll have too much problem finding friends who enjoy the same things you do. And if they are anything like you, they'll be able to share experiences and help you get through what your going through and you will help them with whatever they have going on, which is what friends are for.
You're easy to love, Gildy! I'm not worried. :o)
Jan
What a lovely thing to say Jan...I should put a hugs emoticon in at this point but it won't allow me...
Of course I'm not perfect, who is but I am very easy to get on with and don't really have any real prejudices to speak of but I suspect if someone goes through my blog they'll find something.
I don't really do controversy but I do have views but I do try to see the good in people and when I look at the big stories I try to see all sides before coming down on a particular side.
No emoticons needed! Hugs received and returned, my friend! :o)
Oh my. I shudder to think what anyone would conclude by reading all the posts I've ever made over the years. :o/
I think the words we write down aren't always a reflection of who we are as people, ya' know? I think you have to see the meaning behind the words to get the true sense of a person.
If you just look at what is posted and not why it's posted you're missing the point, in my opinion.
I think anyone who took time to know you would find a really kind man and a very good friend. I did! :o)
Jan
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