In Just Over Three Hours...
I'll be in church celebrating(along with others in a similar sad situation)Mum's life and the passing of her life on Earth. Mum's name will be read out, a candle will be lit and I understand some music will be played/sung. Until I attend I really do not know what to expect or how I will feel.
I think that I will be strong enough but it just does not seem right that I am doing this for my dear sweet Mum and that we are talking about her. In spirit I hope that she knows what she means to me and what we are doing but what made Mum who she was is no longer here and it is probably done for the benefit of those who are left behind.
I have ordered the taxi, I was going to walk but it is raining heavily. I have all my clothes laid out. Just have to get a wash and shave and then sit and wait for the time to come round.
It is a day of quiet contemplation. I plan to continue that way for the remainder on this special Sunday.
I love you Mum x
RIP
I think that I will be strong enough but it just does not seem right that I am doing this for my dear sweet Mum and that we are talking about her. In spirit I hope that she knows what she means to me and what we are doing but what made Mum who she was is no longer here and it is probably done for the benefit of those who are left behind.
I have ordered the taxi, I was going to walk but it is raining heavily. I have all my clothes laid out. Just have to get a wash and shave and then sit and wait for the time to come round.
It is a day of quiet contemplation. I plan to continue that way for the remainder on this special Sunday.
I love you Mum x
RIP
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 12:38 pm
6 Comments:
I've lost it a few times in the last hour or two whilst getting ready to go to the service.
I think I'm doing ok and I have had times in this past week where I have admitted that thinking of Mum has not been so heartbreaking and I have managed a little more acceptance of where I am but today still brings it home that things will never be the same and to some extent I am just living an existance.
It has to get easier than this but of the course I've known Mum all of my life and spoke and been her company all that time.
Perhaps if you live miles away or only see someone occasionally its easier or you can fool yourself that they are still in the world.
In my situation I can't do that :-(
Oh well, the taxi will be here in ten minutes...I'll get my jacket and shoes on...
I just could not stop the tears today, I cried before the service and during.
How strange that the final hymn was one I'd been singing to myself earlier in the day.
How do I feel now? I don't know...I'm having a rest and listening to the radio, will decide what to eat in a short while...
Tears are for healing Anthony. They are a gift to us. Did you speak to anyone at the Church?
Is it possible for you to make some friends there?
I used to go to church but I got a bit tired of having so many things being organised for me to go to to keep in the fold.
It can be a bit much if you are trying to work and raise a family too, but some people are so into their faith. Scratch the surface though and I reckon most of us are whistling in the dark, so I whistle at home on me own and I have a wonderful cd of Celtic hymns, The Old Rugged Cross, The Lord's my Shepherd and How great thou art.
So I have a good warble along to these, mainly on a Sunday.
There are some real gems though in my old church who I stay in touch with.
I was taught and frightened to death by Nuns, so I have a faith inspite of them all and not because of!!
Cx
You have a good understanding about church Carol, trying to find the happy medium where you may make friends but avoid being too involved.
Also I may find that I like my own company and don't feel isolated. It really is too early to say.
One man lost his wife 6 years ago and thought he was doing great...two years down the line he was hit with depression. There are no rules, every case is different.
I'm going to rest, listen to the music shows we shared and if I fall asleep earlier rather than later so be it.
Tomorrow is another day and lets start afresh. A new week awaits.
Today is a strange beast! It has in some ways brought home the emptiness which I had started to find my own way through...
Good idea Anthony. We can "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again" tomorrow.
Sleep well. x
Post a Comment
<< Home