I'm Getting A Bit Of Hassle About...
When I want Mum's ashes scattered and where. So I will have to think whether to have all of them scattered in the crematorium gardens or have most of them left there and bring a small amount home with the intention of taking them wherever I go or to leave the small amount in the garden here which she loved.
They lift a piece of turf and place them under it...
It is £300-£400 to have a mention for Mum in the remembrance book. And initially finding that could be difficult but I assume that does not need to be done immediately so I may have some time to get that together.
Also, I will have to discuss what it would cost to do another way to remember Mum in addition to or instead of...like perhaps a rose tree and a little plaque but relative has suggested that can cost quite a bit, of course Mum's worth it.
There is a bus service to the crematorium I discover(sort of)I have to get one from here to a neighbouring town, then catch another from there to the Crematorium. Well, I actually have to get off in the town where it is and then walk for 4 minutes(so I have to weigh up how difficult that is for me)And do the same coming back and a day ticket will cost me £7 and cover me all the way home again.
I'll probably be traveling approx 90 minutes both ways and am unsure how long I will have to wait between the change over between buses.
Or I can order a taxi and that would take me direct but would cost £10 each way. And probably 10-15 minutes each way...
I'm starting to feel guilty again about my care of Mum, I didn't do it often but I knew I had to get nourishment into her when at home and I'll admit that sometimes(again not often)I probably forced her to eat and made her swallow. I hope I don't go down in anyone's estimation admitting that. I knew that she had to get something into her. I'm not proud that I did that and it was not very often. I was probably feeling frustrated. I'm not a saint. No one is infallable.
But I don't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. Or beat myself up. I loved Mum dearly and I would do anything to see her smiling face again. Most of the time I did all that I could. I wish I could've cuddled her more but I did hold her hand and kiss her and tell her what she meant to me.
Mum knew...I know that she did. I'll remember the nights when she wanted me to stay with her and that night when they could not settle her down until I went back to the care home.
I did spend a lot of time with her at the home but had I know what was coming I'd have been there in the mornings too sometimes it was teatime before I managed to get there.
Also, on the Friday before she passed away that resident who took a shine to me asked for my help and when I looked at the clock I'd lost a couple of hours I could've had with Mum, I went to see Mum and I feel robbed of those hours, I apologised when I went back to see Mum and when I said about being away in a nice way she said something about "Yes You Have!"
I still cannot get it out my head if I/the Nursing Home staff had spotted that pneumonia and she'd been treated she might still be here, how do I stop thinking like that? Will I? If they got Mum out of bed more...I couldn't hear any rattle and her breathing sounded fine to me...just occasionally when she had a drink she have a little cough...if that was it, maybe I could've done something perhaps they could, maybe they should called a Dr in, maybe I should've mentioned it but it's all those what "if's" and "maybe's" was my cousin right when he questioned the care Mum had? Around the time Mum passed away, they lost a few residents and did afterwards(The police attended in those cases)
His wife works in a Nursing Home and she raised concerns but even if something could've been done...it won't change things or bring Mum back.
I suppose such doubts will always surface but hopefully less so as time passes by...I suspect we all feel this way over a loved one...
I wouldn't care I was having a reasonable day and felt quite bright, now I have got myself feeling quite down.
The only good thing is my broadband seems to have come right again...but when I feel like I do at present its hard to stay interested in that...
And the weather doesn't help, its been quite dull and cold...
They lift a piece of turf and place them under it...
It is £300-£400 to have a mention for Mum in the remembrance book. And initially finding that could be difficult but I assume that does not need to be done immediately so I may have some time to get that together.
Also, I will have to discuss what it would cost to do another way to remember Mum in addition to or instead of...like perhaps a rose tree and a little plaque but relative has suggested that can cost quite a bit, of course Mum's worth it.
There is a bus service to the crematorium I discover(sort of)I have to get one from here to a neighbouring town, then catch another from there to the Crematorium. Well, I actually have to get off in the town where it is and then walk for 4 minutes(so I have to weigh up how difficult that is for me)And do the same coming back and a day ticket will cost me £7 and cover me all the way home again.
I'll probably be traveling approx 90 minutes both ways and am unsure how long I will have to wait between the change over between buses.
Or I can order a taxi and that would take me direct but would cost £10 each way. And probably 10-15 minutes each way...
I'm starting to feel guilty again about my care of Mum, I didn't do it often but I knew I had to get nourishment into her when at home and I'll admit that sometimes(again not often)I probably forced her to eat and made her swallow. I hope I don't go down in anyone's estimation admitting that. I knew that she had to get something into her. I'm not proud that I did that and it was not very often. I was probably feeling frustrated. I'm not a saint. No one is infallable.
But I don't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. Or beat myself up. I loved Mum dearly and I would do anything to see her smiling face again. Most of the time I did all that I could. I wish I could've cuddled her more but I did hold her hand and kiss her and tell her what she meant to me.
Mum knew...I know that she did. I'll remember the nights when she wanted me to stay with her and that night when they could not settle her down until I went back to the care home.
I did spend a lot of time with her at the home but had I know what was coming I'd have been there in the mornings too sometimes it was teatime before I managed to get there.
Also, on the Friday before she passed away that resident who took a shine to me asked for my help and when I looked at the clock I'd lost a couple of hours I could've had with Mum, I went to see Mum and I feel robbed of those hours, I apologised when I went back to see Mum and when I said about being away in a nice way she said something about "Yes You Have!"
I still cannot get it out my head if I/the Nursing Home staff had spotted that pneumonia and she'd been treated she might still be here, how do I stop thinking like that? Will I? If they got Mum out of bed more...I couldn't hear any rattle and her breathing sounded fine to me...just occasionally when she had a drink she have a little cough...if that was it, maybe I could've done something perhaps they could, maybe they should called a Dr in, maybe I should've mentioned it but it's all those what "if's" and "maybe's" was my cousin right when he questioned the care Mum had? Around the time Mum passed away, they lost a few residents and did afterwards(The police attended in those cases)
His wife works in a Nursing Home and she raised concerns but even if something could've been done...it won't change things or bring Mum back.
I suppose such doubts will always surface but hopefully less so as time passes by...I suspect we all feel this way over a loved one...
I wouldn't care I was having a reasonable day and felt quite bright, now I have got myself feeling quite down.
The only good thing is my broadband seems to have come right again...but when I feel like I do at present its hard to stay interested in that...
And the weather doesn't help, its been quite dull and cold...
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 3:51 pm
2 Comments:
Gildy, you are human and so was your mum. We all make mistakes from time to time.
But I doubt if anyone has ever visited at that care home for as long, each day, as you did. I would wager that you broke all records!
As for making your mum eat when she didn't want to, well, everyone knows how concerned you were that she should get enough nourishment. That's all you were trying to do.
Your mother was a very old lady. We all die of something and, in the elderly, it's often pneumonia. There is nothing you could have done about it. Sadly, her time had come.
As carers go, I would say that you were la creme de la creme.
Now stop it!
You're quite right VQ!
Give me a talking to! It does me good...
Been talking to a friend of Mum's who attended the funeral, I was going to write about that here but I'll make it a new posting...
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