I'm Not So Nice To Know...
I promised when I started my treatment again that I would not lose my temper, having seen it happen before and warnings given that the drugs have a strong side effects, there was no way it would again and in particular with the person who means most to me in my life...who cares and worries for me, who loves me...my Mum.
In particular Prednisolone(Steroids)is known to cause mood swings. But they control inflamation of body parts when they are being attacked by the Immune system. Under no circumstance was I allowing them to affect me. I can stop it. I don't have mood swings.
Unfortunately, no matter how I try and how bad I feel afterwards...I snap. I am irritable.
No, let's back track...I'm not being fair to myself.
Most of the time I am calm, peaceful and quiet. In control. However, the smallest thing can make me blow up. There is no physical violence, it's just verbal. No swearing and it's all over within 15-30 seconds. And afterwards I think...why?
So I am constantly having to say "It's the drugs" "Ignore anything I shout" "It's not me when I raise my voice" "Don't be scared or frightened" It is very much my bark is worse than my bite.
Why do we take things out on those we love and that mean so much to us? But if you happen to live with them, it's going to happen.
The truth is, it's more a case of being impatient.
If I am in great pain and have to dash off to get comfortable and I cannot hang around waiting perhaps for an answer to a question I have asked and the answer is taking too long or I am in a hurry I cannot be bothered to wait, where I'd normally be prepared to take as long as it takes I just want to get on with it. Don't think my urgency is always understood. Ten minutes ago I thought I may have to seek emergency help I was in so much pain I thought something had happened unexpectedly.
If I can say something with 5 words instead of 50 that's what I want to do(even though on my blog I can go on for ages)
I wouldn't care but she lets me do as I wish, leaves me to rest for hours which means quite some time on her own and she is always willing do anything she can to make my life easier. And I know she must be worried about me.
It was tempting to wipe this entry and say nothing but I'm honest if nothing else. And it shows another side of my condition and what the treatment can do.
It doesn't happen outside, just in the home. I wonder why that is?
I accept that I am ill and in reality I've learned to accept a lot but I guess it must all accumulate and have some effect even if I do not realise it. Or admit it.
Some symptoms at present include my voice being affected, bloodshot eyes and a dry mouth. Not all at the same time. It's really easy to cause a bloodshot eye, a small sneeze or cough is all it takes so with the medication affecting things, it's not so unusual. I'm unhappy that my cholesterol is high.
I listened to a documentary on the radio about a drug(statins)many are being given to reduce this and there is a proposal that even fit people may start to be prescribed it, just in case of future problems and it appears that once you are given it, you must take it for life. You cannot just come off it. So it's a big decision if you decide to say yes. How the benefit to the patient is decided is also questionable. And this was from Dr's being asked to advise the positives of this drug. However, another article has appeared in the press suggesting other benefits so who is right? Daily Mail
I must make a note to myself and promise to do better and publicly declare...
Sorry Mum. I love you loads. I will control this.
In particular Prednisolone(Steroids)is known to cause mood swings. But they control inflamation of body parts when they are being attacked by the Immune system. Under no circumstance was I allowing them to affect me. I can stop it. I don't have mood swings.
Unfortunately, no matter how I try and how bad I feel afterwards...I snap. I am irritable.
No, let's back track...I'm not being fair to myself.
Most of the time I am calm, peaceful and quiet. In control. However, the smallest thing can make me blow up. There is no physical violence, it's just verbal. No swearing and it's all over within 15-30 seconds. And afterwards I think...why?
So I am constantly having to say "It's the drugs" "Ignore anything I shout" "It's not me when I raise my voice" "Don't be scared or frightened" It is very much my bark is worse than my bite.
Why do we take things out on those we love and that mean so much to us? But if you happen to live with them, it's going to happen.
The truth is, it's more a case of being impatient.
If I am in great pain and have to dash off to get comfortable and I cannot hang around waiting perhaps for an answer to a question I have asked and the answer is taking too long or I am in a hurry I cannot be bothered to wait, where I'd normally be prepared to take as long as it takes I just want to get on with it. Don't think my urgency is always understood. Ten minutes ago I thought I may have to seek emergency help I was in so much pain I thought something had happened unexpectedly.
If I can say something with 5 words instead of 50 that's what I want to do(even though on my blog I can go on for ages)
I wouldn't care but she lets me do as I wish, leaves me to rest for hours which means quite some time on her own and she is always willing do anything she can to make my life easier. And I know she must be worried about me.
It was tempting to wipe this entry and say nothing but I'm honest if nothing else. And it shows another side of my condition and what the treatment can do.
It doesn't happen outside, just in the home. I wonder why that is?
I accept that I am ill and in reality I've learned to accept a lot but I guess it must all accumulate and have some effect even if I do not realise it. Or admit it.
Some symptoms at present include my voice being affected, bloodshot eyes and a dry mouth. Not all at the same time. It's really easy to cause a bloodshot eye, a small sneeze or cough is all it takes so with the medication affecting things, it's not so unusual. I'm unhappy that my cholesterol is high.
I listened to a documentary on the radio about a drug(statins)many are being given to reduce this and there is a proposal that even fit people may start to be prescribed it, just in case of future problems and it appears that once you are given it, you must take it for life. You cannot just come off it. So it's a big decision if you decide to say yes. How the benefit to the patient is decided is also questionable. And this was from Dr's being asked to advise the positives of this drug. However, another article has appeared in the press suggesting other benefits so who is right? Daily Mail
I must make a note to myself and promise to do better and publicly declare...
Sorry Mum. I love you loads. I will control this.
posted by The Great Gildersleeve | 2:39 am
6 Comments:
Gildy I'm sure most of the time you're fine with your Mum,(and all the time when you're not on medication) I'm sure she understands.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
(hugs)
Thanks Curmy,
It may seem sickening but I don't usually do moods or lose my temper. You read the situation well. I think it affects us most because it happens without warning.
But weighing up the positive against the negative, It's better to remain with the medication.
You know what, so far today things have been better.
Gx
That's good Gildy. just keep telling yourself you're getting better every day. (Which you are)!
Hugs x
Gildy, you know I haven't been around so I am so sad to read that you are ill again. I hope that things turn around again but please accept my thanks for reminding me why my mother is so bloody irritable...yup, those nasty steroids.
I do have one word of advice: don't take the statins. More than one word I know but the side effects are vile. Ask my mother! Do some googling befoe taking them.
Thanks for the advice and thoughts Mags. I Hope your Mum is doing OK.
With all that has been happening for you we've missed hearing about her.
The same with your Son and Daughter's recent situation(the bullying and the recent operation which it looks I'll have to have at some point)
With all that is going on here with me I never forget all the things other friends and family have to endure daily in their lives and are no less important.
I don't think the dropping of two tablets could affect my attitude that quickly(I have been told to reduce the doseage)so I am going to accept that I am managing to control myself better or the medicine has settled down.
All symptoms seem to be repeating their original pattern(as far as I can remember)
We had some fun again regarding getting everything upon collection today...
I don't know why but I loooked in the prescription bag to find "No" steroids. Not the chemists fault and I was due to run out over the weekend. You know that you cannot just stop taking steroids.
So I had to go to the Dr's surgery and have a prescription rushed through(even though the idea was to collect at the chemists and avoid going to the surgery)
Then, they ordered too few so another prescription will have to be collected next week to avoid running out again...the chemists only had enough steroids to last me until Tuesday so they owe me 72 tablets.
Luckily, I have a blood test on this day so I can combine getting the remainder at the same time.
Oh, and the surgery on the latest prescription for the steroids managed to request all the medicine(duplicate)I had picked up already at the chemists which would've meant a double amount of drugs. I cancelled them.
How can something so simple turn into something so complicated?
I really felt quite poorly having to go from the Town Centre to the Surgery and back(and though initially things were going well until the mix up)I was ready for home afterwards.
I also find after being on the drugs for some time I am unable to write my signature very well especially into such a small box as you sign on the back of the prescription form so it looks terrible(nothing like my normal monogram)in fact it's unreadable.
I could imagine someone checking forms looking and thinking "That's strange"
Well, the chemists accept it and if questions are raised higher up the procedure I'll just have to explain.
Gx
Wouldn't worry about the signature Gildy, I don't think they gte checked. It's not as if there is a database with your signature on it, is there? My mother's writing is appalling now which is such a pity because she had such pride in her handwriting before.
Keep your chin up :-)
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