Random Jottings Of Gildersleeve

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Location: United Kingdom

Perhaps you'll learn more about me as you read my blog. For anyone who translates my blog using the translator facility, don't forget if you wish to read the comments in your own language to click on the title of the post down the left hand side otherwise they will remain in english. Also I assume that the translation is accurate but I don't know, so please allow for errors.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Thinking About The Cost Of Food...

and what many household budgets are for many, many people in the UK. Of course a business has to make a profit but it perhaps depends more on whether the amount being charged is outrageous. We know that often stadiums where a big concert or sporting event is happening they can virtually charge what they like and chances are you'll be stopped from bringing your own in with you...

Some newspapers today have published the prices and what will be available for those attending the Olympics in London...I wouldn't pay it but then again, if I did it would make quite a dent in my budget, the only possible way would do so is as a one off but considering what people have paid for the tickets, what the travel expenses are and possibly you may have to stay in a hotel, as the companies are getting all that publicity by being connected to the event, you could suggest that prices could be much lower or even free...

Here's an article explaining all...

£13 For A Jacket Potato And A Pint..

To be fair I could find a few things on that menu that would fill me and I don't think are badly priced, it only starts to get expensive if you are planning on sitting down to a proper meal and we don't know how big the portions are going to be...they could be quite generous.

Here's Something To Cheer Us All Up...

BBC news is reporting that the Hubble telescope that has been giving us all those wonderful images of the universe that scientists now say that our's will clash with another which I assume means it's the end...we apparently have a little while yet...approx 4 Billion years!

Well that's if a natural disaster down here hasn't already seen us off. We all know sooner or later our sun will explode and eventually the world will stop turning and why should we believe "Us" human have a right to survive over all other species.

Others become extinct...As Frazer used to say in the TV Series "Dad's Army" "We're all doomed!"

Well, The Weather Has Returned To Normal As The Bank Holiday Arrives...

Cool, wet and cold...

I made the mistake of putting the clothes that I had washed and were almost dry on the washing line(ten minutes in the Tumble drier probably would've been enough to finish them off)so they got soaked. I am just leaving them out and if it takes days for them to dry so be it...I am not wearing or going through loads of clothes daily and when you've only yourself to please, what does it matter?

The latest weather forecast for London on Sunday and the flotilla on the River Thames suggests rain that may clear by the afternoon but it may remain cold 10c-12c(50f-54f)


I wondered what might happen on the final day of the Bank Holiday celebrating the Queen's Jubilee as there did not seem to be much going on but I think that there is a service of Thanksgiving at St. Paul's Cathedral so that should be quite special...

It won't be the same as being there but as VQ said watching on tv you'll see more, be warmer, less likely to be tired and it is difficult to sometimes get a good place to make your own...and sitting or standing for ages isn't good...And if you get caught short...

I too hope that the Queen is around for many years to come, there was a documentary on Radio 2 last evening at 10pm presented by the actress Celia Imrie "We Are Sixty!" and it came up about how long the Queen may live and about her "Genes"

I have checked, it is repeated again on Sunday at 7pm...

If you are reading this after that time you can catch it on line for a few days...if you are reading this perhaps after June 9th it's probably gone for good...

If Things Are Difficult...

and find that I am unable to use all the time I have regarding my Internet package, I can switch at anytime without penalty to a cheaper deal...Now, things may be tight budget wise in the future and if less money is coming in that may be an option worth considering. Besides I may even drop the TV license.

Well, the last day or two I had to make that call to Australia(an exception I know)but it cost me £7 but if I have to phone Mum's other relative in America a similar scenario could happen. Then with the mix up with my benefits and the landlord(I wasn't expecting that)I hope that too will be an exception but those calls ended up costing me £3 approx because I had to call outside of my agreed time for making calls and they are not open after 7pm.

Also 0845 numbers are chargeable. Well, it's cost me another £42 over the year(that's the equivalent of approx 11p a day)but I now can make calls anytime. Most calls to any UK landline will now be free(If I terminate the call before 60 minutes are up)I can redial...0800 numbers will mainly be free and that also includes 0845 numbers from now on. And should I have to phone abroad that will cost me but I will save 25% on such calls so that Australian call would have come down to £5.25, not much of a saving but it all adds up.

I could soon spend as much if using the mobile so that will now only be used to order taxi's when required if I am outdoors and I don't plan to use it for normal calls...so  I won't be texting much either.

I think I still have to pay for calls from a landline to a mobile so where possible I will avoid doing that. I will try and hang onto the £75 credit I have with the new package. That can be used towards chargeable calls and I can just let that reduce or top it up when I wish but in theory if I make calls the way I am supposed to that £75 will just remain there.

In theory it does mean if I am caught short one month I can still make calls and top up another time...so all in this year my broadband telephone and telephone rental has cost me...£198 and then £145 for the tv license so that's approx 94p a day...over the year its still a lot but then again that's 24/7 access to the Internet and tv...and as I said next year I may drop the TV so then it comes down to...54p a day and if I then go to the cheaper package for broadband that could reduce to 69p but of course it's slightly more expensive because I am paying a full year's worth of broadband and not being let off with six months...

If I threaten to leave they might to do a special deal.

The TV and Internet/telephone line rental without the deal I managed to get would now be costing me £1.20 a day so I have saved approx £95 over the year...

However, when I pay all that even if I am helped with rent and community charge, if I say my energy needs will cost me £1,500 annually)I will only have approx £60 to live on weekly which will have to pay for food and replacing/repairing of items that break down or come to the end of their usable life.

I think it can be that tight even if you are working...and it must be a struggle even living on a State pension...

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Has The UK Changed For The Worst?


I suspect if we took a broad sweep of the last 60+ years we'd say things have improved materialistically for many, we can never say for all. There will be advances in science and medicine. But working long hours, in many cases many of us no reason for having it longer have the time for our loved one's and sometimes we think that we can put that right by giving a gift of some kind instead of our attention.

We may have central heating and electric in all our homes but many of us are unable to afford to use it which defeats the idea of having it.

Of course times were tough and long hours were worked in the past and so its not necessarily a new problem but even I remember as I grew up we were promised a 40 hour or less working week, decent wages, earlier retirement and roughly you'd hopefully have a similar of time after you'd worked to do what you want to do and you could afford your retirement.

How has the country become worse? That's a difficult one, I think its more selfish than it used to be if looked at on a grand scale but when you actually talk to people on a one to one bases you realise that people do care. And many of us have similar concerns, for our loved ones, friends and their health.

Many of those that we do we hear in the media unfortunately are influenced by what they think they are hearing or because the media ignores a lot of the things that are happening and the genuine people who are suffering. Perhaps I am influenced but I suspect that I ask questions and don't take what I am told as gospel.

The other day the Telegraph or it might've been the Mail found an exceptional case where a family was getting a lot of help from the State so they were able to say look what they are being paid and they are not trying to do any work but within the rules of how long you can do voluntary work at least one member was working, the problem is a lack of jobs and one's that pay a living wage but then when a story like this is featured everyone is seen to be the same. And probably a lot of the information is missed, it becomes a sensational story.

It is then picked up by presenters doing phone-ins and it just snowballs and gets out of hand...and opinions are treated as fact. The media deals in big National events but often misses what life is like on a small scale for the individual. When they do those programmes that look back on the year that has just gone it will concentrate on disasters and celebrities.

You might ask why jobs pay such rubbish wages. I keep hearing that the average wage is £26,000 a year, I'm not sure what they are or where they are...I've never seen more than a few any where near that figure in the years I applied for work or looked at the vacancies being advertised.

The problem I can see with the survey this article refers to is that they have tried to tie it to the Queen and she has nothing to do with what society and politicians do, she is The Head Of State...a figure head but really no more than that!

The changes would still have happened even if she had not existed. Would they have been any worse had she not been there as a constant during difficult times, its difficult to say.

The same can probably said of most countries in the west especially and the austerity measures that have been brought in and most feel those who caused the problems are largely untouched, well if you already have more that's understandable, if you are already low down in the pecking order you'll be affected first.

Will I watch? I plan to but you know I may very well return to the radio coverage, I mean unless they are going to wait until dusk and have a massive firework display on Sunday we'll see boats going down the Thames but what are they going to do?

There is a concert on Monday I believe but again I can listen to the music...Really the celebration to commemorate the Queen's landmark boils down to those two events...Are the rest of you watching  it?  Especially if you live in the capital, will you follow it on tv or go to some event? Is it being looked at a bit with uninterest by the people of London a bit like the Olympics? As there seems to be some Royal event most years...

I know around here we've had notes put through the door suggesting there could be a kind of street party or an event in the local leisure centre but there doesn't seem much excitement and I think this survey suggests that few are planning on having an event to commemorate the occasion, the impression is that people will just have a get together with friends or family or go away for a few days and do their own thing! If the weather is good enough.

I keep hearing its a four day holiday and all kind of events are promised but I cannot see that much happening especially when we reach Tuesday and many are back at work by then...

Has The UK Changed For The Worst?

I Managed To Avoid Getting Too Down On My Birthday

In a way it's just another day...or it is now...

But the day is not over yet.

I slept well, my mind did not wander too much to sad matters...then I went downstairs early this afternoon and found two letters on the mat in the hall...

One was from my landlord...informing me that I am approx £500 in rent arrears. That this goes back as far as the end of April around the time Mum passed away. That my Housing Benefit had been suspended!

I'm still unsure why they left it almost 6 weeks before informing me so I could've sorted it all out sooner.

After having me upset and believing that I may lose the roof over my head, I managed to talk to the appropriate department at the council and it was a mistake and all is ok at this minute...also the money the landlord says they are owed had been sent over to them so someone somewhere has messed up!

The department I talked to said that they had sent me a letter about the mess up and it should've arrived here perhaps two weeks ago...it hasn't!

What could've made my Birthday not so good has been corrected and I am feeling much calmer again...

I shall  have a rest and then decide what to have for my Birthday Evening meal, I suspect it may be a pizza and salad...there's exciting for you...

It's definitely cooler today and I may have to think about putting something warmer on and perhaps an extra blanket when I go to bed...Now where are my hot water bottles?

Someone heard my story about Mum when I was shopping today(well I'd mainly gone out to get my prescription drugs and some milk)and tried to offer me £10 as a gift...I didn't take it but it was a lovely gesture...I wasn't offended that it was offered, I'm not proud and am always ready to accept help and suggestions. But you have to weigh a situation up...

How Did I Spend The First Hour Or Two...

Of my birthday?

On You Tube watching an old Jack Benny programme followed by a documentary about the great voice over artist/actor Mel Blanc.  You know the one, voice of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Sylvester, Tweety Pie...It's probably easier to ask who he didn't do! He shared my birth date...May 30th.

You know it's probably long since lost/damaged but perhaps nearly 30 years ago I received a letter and a signed photograph from Mel, at the time I must've mentioned how Dad loved his work and it was not long after losing him and Mel even said how sorry he was to hear of my father's passing.

It's amazing what you find on the internet...it was so interesting and as far as I am aware it has not been shown on tv over here.

I mentioned finding and wearing a signet ring Dad bought me I suspect when I was around 18/21 I forget which, and wearing Mum's pearl necklace as a keepsake(its not noticeable)and is hidden, we were never one's for wearing lots of jewellery but I have now found a ring Mum had been wearing which belonged to Dad but actually was originally his Father's ring so I have that too.

I suspect this is the only keepsake/family heirloom from that side of the family and could be 100 years old...I believe there is some story about my grandad wearing it though the first world war...I never knew or had a grandad in my life, only one grandma for that matter.

Well, it's almost 3am I guess I better think about getting some sleep...

Update:I awoke not so long ago and said "Good Morning World!" Watered some flower tubs(yes, at 5.30am)so I can plant some flowers later and then had a great big bowl of cereal with the usual mixture of fruit but added some grapes too. In fact there was so much fruit I wondered if there was room any cereal...and I still had a drink of milk afterwards...

Now I'm back on my bed ready for hopefully a few more hours sleep...

Happy Birthday To Me!

I sang Happy Birthday to myself and remembered how Mum would always sing it to me at the start and end of the day as I  did on her birthday...Thank you Mum x

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Thankfully I Don't Suffer Much With...

headaches and migraines but when I get them they really hurt. If I do, it usually affects one of my eyes but this morning even though I had slept well around 5am, I awoke with a really bad headache across the back of my head but remarkably the paracetamols and codeine that I took got rid of it much quicker than I thought it may...

It's a bit selfish but I can quite understand what that person I bumped into when walking to the supermarket the other day meant when he said how he misses his wife and how frightening it is too be ill and to be on your own...

If I have to pay for that emergency phone where you hit a button and they get the emergency services out if you are in trouble or help you if you've had a fall...I'll still get rid of it until I am given it for free again...I have access to the net, the phone and a mobile, if I can't summon help using one of those ways I really am in trouble...

I may also ask a couple of my neighbours if they don't mind me having their numbers to call in an emergency.

I may even give them a key to access my property...if they are willing to help in such a way...

When  I felt ok I managed to eat a lovely big bowl of cereal, fruit and semi skimmed milk...

They Only Cost Me £3 Per Tray...

To Mum's memory I managed to get a tray of Marigolds and Bizzie Lizzie's(Impatiens)and I will try and redo a couple of tubs and hanging basket and keep them fresh!

I'm going to do that on my birthday tomorrow...I'm not sure how tomorrow will be, I guess I should just see how it turns out.

I Might've Guessed That When...

Carol mentioned that her gas bill had come down it was probably time for another bill to drop on the mat...two arrived today from British Gas, the second was  to be added to the first and for 58 days they have charged me(and it's accurate because I gave meter readings)£146.26! The advisor thought that was quite good. That still works out at £2.52 per day. But he says that I am approx two thirds down on what we were spending when Mum was here.

He has suggested trying an on line tariff that offers 4% discount with British Gas for duel fuel...but then he said the cheapest deal can be obtained by doing gas/electric through Sainsbury's Energy(which is still run by British Gas)but it's still cheaper than signing up with them directly...

More things to consider...

I'm away to the bank to pay the bill, then at least I am upto date.

The next bill will probably be the electric(but that is approx £100 in credit)I don't know how either, so that may cover quite a lot of what it will be. A bit of a cushion. Then the phone bill(£130+ approx)

Then for a little while I may be left alone apart from sorting out the rent/probate/community tax situation...

Lucky that I still had just enough in the house to cover this bill and put aside for the telephone bill...

How Annoying Is This...

I have had to install another browser onto my computers because google won't support the explorer browser any more so without installing Crome I cannot write any posts...What a carry on. No warning, it just happened...

Monday, May 28, 2012

No Wonder That I Worry...

I have just come across the bill for what this house costs regarding the Community Charge for the year and the annual amount comes out £1,346.19 and when I come into Mum's small savings even with 25% discount that they say that I will be entitled to that will still  mean that I will have to find approx £1,010 and then approx £100 a week rent so altogether that will be around £6,200 annually.

Now that means Mum's money isn't going to last very long...I still have to find the money to pay for food and utility bills. Once I spend £1,000 I am already at the threshold where they say that I should be helped. But I believe you only get £1 for every £250 you drop under the threshold. So if one year like this will really affect how much help I get and how much I have in the bank...The sooner I get to talk to the CAB the better as just when I think that I am not doing too bad I see something like this and start to worry again...

How does anyone survive? I do hope that I can jeep a roof over my head or that I don't have bailiffs coming in taking my very few possessions away.

Most of what I own is second hand and years old, they'll not get much for any of what I have...

Phoned BT Today To Find Out...

When my final bill with them will arrive and approx how much...Approx a fortnight and that will still cost me around £130. Then I am free!

I've just had one of those milk shakes that you drink as a replacement meal, it wasn't too bad and at least I have the goodness of the milk but the powder has a lot of vitamins and minerals too(as much as a Complan)and I won't be doing without a meal, just have to decide what to have as the weather is still warm I may have a ham salad but I may add an egg and some potatoes...

I've Slept Reasonably Well...

but did not feel much like going on the net as I was literally just messing about with no purpose so I didn't!

I will make the effort to get up in an hour and do something but I feel a bit tender this morning and not as I should. I'm not depressed as such.

I managed to get through to my relative in Australia, stayed  on longer than planned but how often am I going to make a call like that? I couldn't trace his number on line even though he's in the phone book. Luckily by chance I found an old envelope that I had written his number on but still it failed and then just by luck I thought one number had been omitted from the code for the city he lives. I tried it and it worked!

All I am waiting for now is to find out what I owe for the call as I don't think that my package for calls includes international ones and I'll pay and restore my credit limit and then in theory it will stay that way...

I've been invited to go out to  Australia for a couple of weeks, I can't see it happening but it's nice to be asked! My relative lost his wife approx two and a half years ago...he may have the weather but I don't think  he's any better off financially than we are here in the UK and struggling just as much. He's not running a car but can access a good bus service. His tv is 20 years old and he does not take satellite/cable and he too is watching what he spends on electric and gas heating. He finds evenings and early mornings cold so has to wear warm clothes...even in Australia.

He was over here in December and hoped to get to see Mum but he had to use so many busses to get everywhere and renting a car was out, getting around easily had been the biggest problem when in the UK..

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I Don't Know How Heavy...

the data transferred from You Tube will be as I have avoided watching video on the Internet(by that I mean tv and films)via the various players in the UK.

I now see that many classic tv clips/shows of great performers not seen over here from old US shows featuring stars we'd only see in films or British stars appearing on TV in the States are available...So perhaps I have found something else to do on the Internet, these include appearances on This Is Your Life, What's My Line etc...pity that they cannot be saved...

But I'll watch in the early hours to avoid using up the allowance I have during the day which may not please others if it slows down the speeds...

I have asked my ISP what the situation is and been told "Go for it!" What I have used so far is seen as chickenfeed...

How Long Does It Take To Walk...

two streets? I timed myself today...after a visit to...the supermarket. I know, I know but that's where you see the most people and it gives you an objective, a reason for going out...I'm not sure that any were left but I forgot to buy some strawberries.

So it took me approx 35 minutes and that included me having to stop every so often...

I am now in a reflective mood, which I cannot help, I suppose I'll have such occasions for some time to come(I'd quite welcome a sleep)

I've had a drink of orange fruit juice diluted with water...and for now there's not much to do...not much on the radio(my favourite programmes resume around 8pm)I have run of places to look at on the internet. Well, if there's nothing that you need to be searching for, you end up visiting the same old sites...

You know really all I will be leaving of myself is this blog and even this doesn't use my real name...when I think how important Mum and Dad were and they touched so many lives over the years and yet there is nothing to show for it. I mean Mum did her voluntary work at a local school for years and also helping the elderly for a time too. Back in 1984 it was known as the Community Task Force. I think it included arranging for people to decorate the homes of pensioners(I think who were on low incomes)

It used people who were unemployed and some were possibly ex offenders of some kind and I think that they used people of all ages...however I just did a search and it still seems to exist or has been resurrected as a another one of those Government programmes to supposedly help people into work and where they pay those on the scheme as little as possible and it uses young people only now aged between 18-24 years of age.

I may dislike getting old and worry about the future but I really would hate having to face what many are in school and afterwards regarding trying to find work that pays anywhere near a decent wage.

And the State pension leaves much to be desired...I have no idea what mine will be...I have worked(not regularly)but I have. I have also attended many work programmes and I did jump through all  the hoops regarding looking for work and I am entitled to the help I receive due to illness and I have probably never claimed all that I could've/should've...that was probably true of the time when Mum was ill...and I also did over 15 years of voluntary work too.

I've Already Eaten...But Not Sticking To Set Times...

I had salad around 9pm yesterday...recently I haven't added egg or chips/potatoes to the ingredients, not always any meat either but I had a small Melton Mobrey pork pie...but there was grated chedder  cheese, tomato, lettuce, spring onions, cucumber...

Cost? Approx 80p

I awoke maybe around midnight and had another slightly smaller one but as a sandwich...

A bun, tomato, cheese and lettuce.

Cost? Approx 55p

So that's £1.35 in total(possibly as I drank more fruity drinks today it might've been nearer £2)

Then this morning not knowing what time it was(It's ages since I wore a wristwatch)perhaps I'll buy myself a cheap one again and a cheap wall clock for the other bedroom. Though I quite like those clocks that automatically change when we put the clocks forward and back...I bought Mum one a bit like a travel clock which I still have...

I digress...

It turned out that it was around 5am so at that time I was eating a large bowl of cereal with strawberries, blueberries and banana.

Cost? Approx 80p

I awoke around 9.30am always seem to do that on Sundays since Mum  passed away...and had a mug of coffee with two slices of toast and strawberry jam.

Cost? Approx 40p

So if I have nothing for most of the rest of the day...I'm doing ok. I may attempt an evening meal of vegetables, potatoes, sliced pork, Yorkshire puddings and gravy. It doesn't have to be difficult to prepare if you use frozen veg, Yorkshire puds that you warm up, gravy granules and sliced meat. It can be done in minutes...and you can cheat by opening a can of new potatoes.

The cost?  Approx £1

If I have a little treat afterwards and include what I drink it may creep up again towards £2 but that blog we mentioned on the previous post Never Seconds the school is charging £2 for one meal! I'm having anything between 1-3 meals and my portions are probably larger and spending no more.

Then again interesting that the same blog mentions African children having one meal and if I read correctly though we may get tired if we had to eat the same items day after day, if it kept you alive and nourished perhaps we wouldn't. I'm sure it said that their meal costs 6p per portion. But it contains rice, fish and vegetables...

I think that my budget though tight isn't too bad but of course we are governed by the prices the food costs in the shops and in turn by the amount of money we have to spend. If my benefits were reduced still further and many are worried what the future will bring I can see the variety of what I eat and how much being affected greatly perhaps then I will be eating baked beans at every opportunity(though they've been creeping up in price)

You can only cut back so far...that goes for those who work, are retired, ill or unemployed not just me...and I don't think that I eat a lot of processed food either...so I cannot be accused  of eating a lot of convenience foods which can be expensive...If I did have any I'll supplement it with foods that are not processed.

I hope that my meals can remain reasonably healthy and varied and not become boring. As important as food is to our well being and possibly how long we live. Sadly it it is often quite low down on our list of priorities, sometimes by choice, often it is foisted on us because of financial restraints(In other words)due to a lack of money.

Cooking for one is still strange...and some meals are probably pointless and possibly too expensive for one. I know that a full chicken is good value and you can do many meals but if it has to be used within days of cooking a lot of it will probably be wasted if it's a single household but then again as two chicken breasts can cost almost what a full chicken does which is false economy ...

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Booze...

Well, I have to say that my foray into buying alcohol was quite simple as my booze is in fairly small bottles but today certain lines had sold out or were in short supply and people had gone for larger volumes, I can see the temptation too. Strongbow cider 24 cans 440mls £14 and the smaller pack which had 20 cans were £13 so most people were going for the larger pack! For the sake of £1...I think I have that right!

With the warm weekend I think many were buying with the intention of having a barbecue or perhaps a Eurovision Song Contest party...of course England are playing a football friendly against Norway...

No doubt they'll be back buying more booze for the Queen's Jubilee next weekend...what a long Bank Holiday that's going to be...4 days of it!

When not watching or listening to the celebration, I think I'll hibernate. I can record and play back the radio coverage later so this is one time I may do some tv watching, wish I'd had a little tv wired  into the bedroom perhaps a little FST then I could watch from here...

How Morbid!

I wandered out around 4pm and yes, walked around the town centre(Where else am I going to go?) I bought a couple of buttons, I found out that I had managed to pop a button off my shirt but couldn't get one quite the same so I'll either sew one new one on or replace the two so that they match on the breast pockets.

Still no money at the Post Office :-(

Purchased a couple of items at the Supermarket, some sliced turkey, salt, luncheon meat, blueberries...came home and decided to have a lie down and a quick fiddle on the laptop. Thought I'll eat something as I watch the Eurovision Song Contest but you know what I fell asleep with the laptop on my knee, out like a light and knew absolutely nothing for nearly 45 minutes. No dreaming. I had to think for a while to work out what time of day it was...

It's just like being dead!

Now that I am awake, I will eat something, when I drag myself downstairs, perhaps a salad(again)or just fruit, milk and cereal. And I don't think I can be bothered to go downstairs sit and watch the TV. I think that I may simply stay put on the bed and listen to it on the radio. As I write this all I have on electric wise if you don't count the fridge/freezer is a DAB radio.

I suspect I'll drift off to sleep again...when  you sleep all seems ok.

I don't think that I can listen to the Eurovision Song Contest all night, think I'll just return for the voting...

I do attract people who share their life experiences with me...on the way to the supermarket someone asked if I was ok...you can see that walking is a struggle.

We got talking...he emphasised with me but he too said that his wife passed away two and half years ago with cancer and he still misses and talks to her each day. She arranged her own funeral and picked the music that was played.

They tried chemotherapy which failed and it sounds although radiotherapy helped prolong her life for approx 18 months she went through it and suffered. She was unable to eat at times, hair loss, lost her voice, in a wheelchair and so on. She was only 60 and he showed me photo's of her on his mobile phone.

He is also struggling to keep a roof over his head, live on the small pension he has and yes, pay his utility bills(He's with NPower)and owes approx £300 but last winter he wanted to be warm so had his central heating on but he hopes as the year progresses it will level out. Think he pays approx £90 per month.

He too feels that he is just doing what he has to because he has to and he says that he gets frightened especially if he perhaps feels ill in the middle of the night and he is alone because she was always there(they were married approx 35 years)He hates going back to an empty house...and  even when out of the house he knows that she is still not in the World.

People have so many similar stories. Well, to be honest, if you have any feelings and service remembering loved one's with music, candles and quiet thoughts at the local church on the town are not a cold fish that cannot be reached, everyone of us that survive will experience this horrible side of life. And it is quite something if you are able to rejoice and accept that a loved one is now in a better place where they are no longer suffering but I think those who have such unquestionable faith are few...

Strangely enough a series of programmes on Radio 4 next week are being presented by a Bishop and the subject is all about doubting and questioning one's belief's...

The DWP even chased him to pay back the final State pension she received...If she'd passed away on the Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday they'd have left well alone but as she died the day the pension went into her account, he had to send it back! They can be so heartless or pedantic! Hiding behind rules which I am sure sometimes can be waived...


There's another tug at the heartstrings event happening on Sunday 10th of June at 4pm...a memorial service where people who have recently lost loved ones can attend and they are mentioned, there is music, the lighting of candles and refreshments are available afterwards for anyone who wishes to stay behind...

Now, As I Was Thanking Someone Who Came to Mum's Funeral...

And I expressed my doubts about the care and the fact we'd missed the pneumonia and she told me that her Mother had died of it and she too wondered if she'd missed something and found herself "Beating herself up!" And then she was told that Dr's had even missed it.

It was only discovered when a Post Mortum was held and it appears that there is a type of pneumonia that can be only diagnosed when a PM is held it's viral so perhaps it can be missed even by the best medical person...when I think of some of the coughs of some of the patients on the hospital ward in March with Mum that were so much worse...it is what could be called a "Silent Killer!"

Does this give me some closure? I don't know...perhaps!

It Just Gets Worse...

I've spent ages talking to NPower trying to decide whether to go with EDF or not.

I am given £100 back at the end of the year as discount for having taken a monthly Direct Debit payment plan. I don't have standing charges with NPower but again I have no idea if they've factored what they lose in charges on the meters into their prices.

As NPower do not have standing charges it's a bit unfair thinking I am saving £104 annually if I go with NPower but in a way I am because I am not paying that to EDF.

Now that could be seen as saving quite a tidy sum but if NPower end up more expensive I could still be paying that £104 to them but it won't be classed as a standing charge so my bills won't be any cheaper.

But going by my readings the other day if correct and its only an estimate after all I got the impression my bill with NPower weekly(7 Days)would be £6(Gas)£7(Electric)With EDF it would be £5(Gas)£10(Electric)and yet EDF say they are the cheapest.

What messed things up this morning is that I was told that I may be entitled because of my medical problems/condition/benefits received I may be entitled to a further discount of £114 and I was put through to another department but that turned out to have nothing to do with my situation and it was a place that gives grants to repair heating equipment that has broken down and they gave me another number to call and that help had closed in March. So both numbers were of no use whatsoever! So why are they being given out in the first place?

But there are too many figures going around in my head I'm bound to have got something wrong but on the readings so far I think I'll be paying approx £576 to NPower and £633 to EDF and that's after a discount with them of I think £147. So NPower still seems cheaper? I'm sure NPower said I also save another £100 for going onto a different tariff. Now, this means I can either save more or use more gas and the electric as I'll only be coming up nearer to what I originally thought I'd spend...

This is doing my head in...

I've cancelled EDF and I am going to think about it for a few more days but at least I don't have the deadline of the cooling off period hanging over me...

Friday, May 25, 2012

I Think I May Be Getting Into Free E-Books Or Audio Books...

There are new items available but most of the classics can be downloaded, read, listened to or both via a dedicated e-book reader, a computer or an mp3 player...

Here's one site I have just come across myself...

Open Culture
As a test my first book? Alice In Wonderland.

Another interesting site...

Project Gutenberg

Jerusalem...

As I lay on my bed half asleep the music from another room wafted my way that I was recording, the song was Jerusalem which is always very moving and emotive. More so for me as Mum used to sing that at the top of her voice and as clear as bell, bless her!

The other story that associates Mum with this song is one she often told me but I don't remember all the details...when very young a few children were chosen to sing in the town hall from a local school, not sure if  it was a concert or a competition of some kind. Mum was one of  them. I am sure that Mum said her parents bought her a new dress and that her parents were sat in the audience, very proud of her.

Two songs were sung on the occasion, Jerusalem(Mum never forgot how she was told to sing it)and a kind of traditional Northern song called "Div ye ken *Elsie Marley, honey?" She was still able to sing that too.

That's when I cannot help but feel both reflective and sad...

*Elsie Marley

I May Get A Nasty Surprise Yet!

But though I have changed my telephone line rental to my ISP instead of what was originally the telephone company that was associated with telephones in the UK British Telecom...Now cut short to BT I package that says I am not supposed to make calls during the week between 7am and 7pm but I can phone out between 7pm and 7am but once it gets past 10pm I cannot think who I would call, that would be so unthoughtful calling someone in the early hours of the morning or just as someone goes to bed...

I can phone any time over the weekend.

0800 numbers are free.

Other numbers cost including 0845 numbers but you can look at your details to see what you have actually spent on calls.

During the agreed times of your calls they give you £55 of credit so if you are phoning nowhere particularly unusual and are careful you could have free calls all month and they give the same amount of credit the next month.

Also, it appears that if you talk for under 60 minutes, disconnect and call again, the call is free.

What a pity that I have no one to call...

Anyhow, I had to call during the day yesterday trying to sort out the energy bill. I am sure that one was an 0845 number but checking my details online I see no evidence that I have been charged as yet and I was on the phone last night but if I am not charged for that I guess it means that I stayed within the limit of an hour.

Update:So far the calls during the day have not been charged for and the evening call came in arond 56 minutes and was free...either because I phoned at the right time or I still have some of my credit unused...

I may be able to drop eventually to a cheaper package for my broadband too...at present I have managed to only use 31GB and that is between midnight-8am which does not affect my official allowance between 8am and Midnight(60GB)and during that time I haven't used 4GB yet. And I have been online 17 days so I am well within my limits...

And what I am downloading is done so quick I am not online all night. It's got to the point unless I do some streaming or listening to radio/music, I am pretty well up to date on anything I want in the way of pod casts and so far I haven't watched any tv or films via the service.

And to some extent I am still looking at the same sites that I always did and that means mainly surfing, an odd email, posting on my blog and a few forums.

Well, I had a mug of some kind of Chinese noodles perhaps an hour ago, so I think the next thing I may do is make a salad or some salad sandwiches and then take to my bed and listen to what remains of Desmond Carrington's Friday show and Friday Night is Music Night. Mum and myself would've shared the music but now its just me again...sad but true.

I may mess about on the laptop in bed later but I usually fall asleep...

Update:The phonecalls made at the weekend seem to be free too  an d it looks like I haven't been charged. I cannot see any reduction in my allowed monthly credit. It's funny how years ago I used to talk about switching to a different telephone provider and now Mum's no longer here, I have...

Don't Worry I'm Not Turning Into An Alcoholic!

But there was too much booze on offer today at the supermarket for me to say no today and I assume it's to get us in the mood for the Queen's Jubilee and the so call get together's with family and friend's...I'll be alone! I'm not a big drinker and when money gets tighter as it will I may not be able to afford to buy any. It will be seen a luxury.

Wine and spirits are out but beers, largers and cider are better priced. Get it quick before they raise the cost of a price a unit of alcohol costs. They have a good long shelf life so they gone into my store cupboard of food and household goods. OK they're different sized bottles(but 44 bottles) into approx £31 is not a bad buy and I suspect if purchased seperately they would be worth at least another £25-£30 but these will last me for ages...probably a couple of years...

Do I have a lot of money? Not really. I am using a very small amount that I have before I come into Mum's savings and really see my budget drop and I hope that what I have will mean, I can have a reasonable life for some months to come.

But I am afraid that whatever I do, life will never be quite the same without Mum...I can quite understand why Jeremy Brett the actor could not live without his wife when she passed away he took his life(This has now been made clear to me to be untrue)But if I remove this some of the comments associated to this post will not make sense, Peter Cushing whenever he was interviewed used to say that he was only living long enough until he could meet his Dear wife again...

At present I am not depressed and hope that I can manage to have a reasonable life for what time remains. But some of joy has gone out of my life and often I do what I do because it has to be done...don't we all.

I have probably been protected in some ways from such pain and heartache in that really I have not had to attend many funerals or lost many people that I have close contact with, if you only see some people occasionally to some extent you are cushioned from the lossbecause you don't see them often but when you live with someone or see someone daily, it's harder. I said that once before and came into such a lot of flack!

So I guess my three people that I miss are Mum, Dad and my Grandma...How many people have seen dead? Mum and and my Grandma. How many people in the chapel of rest? One...Mum! How many funerals have I attended? Four(that extra one was my Auntie(My gran's sister)

In many decades that isn't that many I suppose. And really there is not many I can see me attending in the future should I survive for sometime to come. Perhaps five at the most. But as three of those are younger or the same age as me I hope they will not be for a long time to come...If I haven't gone first of course...

I've Ordered My Halogen Oven...

I hope I purchased the right one...being single perhaps it's too large but I think that you'll be able to cook more or less items in it and it has a two year guarantee and I get all the accessories with it, a replacement bulb and a cook book.

They say it was worth £89 and I have purchased it for £39 though postage and packing has taken the cost up by almost another £10.

But at least that's sorted now...

I haven't heard back from EDF as promised so I'll have to be in touch with them later to see what price they can do my electric and gas and if I am still unhappy and decide to go with the other power company I only have two days to cancel(Cooling off period)

Whilst I can afford to, our gardener has arrived today and so at least my garden will be tidy(even if there isn't much in the way of flowers...)

If I am allowed to stay here, financially I'm not as bad as I fear in the future perhaps I can still afford to have my garden done by him but instead of every 3 weeks, have it done every 5-6 weeks...

On the other hand though that sounds like I am saving money, if it it takes longer to do maybe I'll end up paying more...I'll have to think about that...at least it looks more as Mum remembers it and she loved her garden here...

The window cleaner still hasn't done our windows and it must be at least 8 weeks or more. I've seen for approx £12 a kind of window cleaning sponge on a long pole in a catalogue that looks easy to use so I may buy it then I can do my own bedroom windows and save having him do them...something else to think about...

Thursday, May 24, 2012

You May Have Seen This Before...




In approx 10 days time  it would've been a year since this hot air balloon passed by my home and after being on the phone thanking some people for their sympathy cards I came back to the bedroom to have a lie down and it was passing by in the sky again...It looked a little dirtier than a year ago and was slightly further away. The sky was much the same colour as before...

What a lot has happened in the time since it last was here. Mum was watching the tv back then and as far as we knew she was in reasonable health and we've gone through her illness and finally the losing of her...good job we don't know what the future holds but you wonder if we had could things have been different...

This image is a reprint of the earlier one from almost a year ago...

Do I Cancel Joining EDF?

I talked to the energy comparison site USwitch and they think that I'll still pay £2,000+ annually for gas and electric but they are going by the previous bills which are not a good guide...they told me to phone the utility companies that I use and ask for my annual consumption.

But  that will be artificially high...we're using Mum's bills whilst she was here...

NPower say going by my readings for the last 9 days for gas/electric I would pay(if by Direct monthly debit)approx £31 for both because they give £10 discount annually and also £109 discount through paying this way...for both as they stand with my meter readings before all the discounts they think the electric costs £7 and the gas £6 for 9 days but I am saving as they have no standing charges on either meter.

That's money saved or that could be better put towards being able to use the electric and gas more and might allow for price rises if I am fortunate to be in such a position that I have  some spare cash

So the electric would cost £284 approx and the gas £244 approx so that's £528, then take off the £109 and the £10 discount I was told I would be entitled to...that's coming in at £409 so does that sound right? Or are my calculations wrong? That's around £8 per week...

 I cannot decide if I have to add VAT on to the above prices and at what rate...that could take the amount nearer to what I originally worked things out in an earlier post.

I then phoned British Gas to see what they had to say.


Update: They had all kinds of discounts that bamboozled me but they have standing charges on their meters...they couldn't work out what I'd save on my electric even though they say their electric charges are lower than most other companies by 7% but they worked out that the gas I had used already for 9 days would come in at nearly £10 so that's £40 each month for the gas alone. So that's around £480 a year on gas alone.

In the end I may be better going with NPower for both.

And you know what? I worked all this out for myself and USwitch gave me no advice in the end except when "I" mentioned saving on the standing charges on the meters at NPower the guy at USwitch said it was a no brainer...but I don't know if NPower factor what they lose by not having standing charges into the prices that we pay for the energy used. But I bet that they do. But if I use EDF's standing charges as a guide that saves me £150 annually.

This perhaps seems quite a boring post but paying for gas and electric is a bit of a worry at present...until I know where  I am financially and things settle down...

Next Wednesday Will Be A Bit Strange...

As it's my birthday and the first I will have had without Mum or Dad...I think that says it all...can't really add anything!

But before anyone can say I'm feeling sorry for myself I do know how fortunate I have been to have had Mum as long as I did in my life and many don't. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

What A Lazy Day...

I had a reasonable night of sleep in between downloading podcasts from the Naked Scientists website...before I knew it, it was 1pm!

I haven't had anything to eat yet but a few mugs of coffee. I may have that half a pizza later but for now I think I'll do a jacket potato with some melted cheese(I can do that in approx 6 minutes in the microwave)

I went out at 1pm...no money at the post office :-(

Then popped into the freezer shop, bought some cup a soups and other items cheaper than at the supermarket. Not a lot...

Then into Mum's bank with the invoice for the funeral, it has to be done.  :-(

They told me they want to see the Death Certificate again, it did not fax through to wherever they send these details correctly(bet they've just lost their copy)

Then into the shoe shop for a new pair of trainers(£12.99)but until they fall apart or it's raining, I'll still wear the old ones...

Then to my bank to sort out a letter that arrived from Sky TV that looked as though they were trying to take approx £4 off me even though I cancelled my subscription ages ago and told my bank to stop any Direct Debit instruction to pay Sky in the future but the truth is that they may've paid me £4 that they think they owe me...I bet that doesn't happen very often.

Then I phoned our vicar for some advice regarding Mum's ashes. She said as far as she is aware there is no real time limit on when ashes have to be scattered unless the crematorium is short of storage space...to contact them again and explain that I am not ready to scatter them yet, she said the crem is as nice a place to leave my dear Mum though...she could see my point about the expense of having Mum mentioned in the Book Of Remembrance as being too much and that few if any will ever see it.

That having Mum mentioned in a similar book at the local church on the town is probably a better idea as it is easier to get to for me and nearer. There ius to be a service soon for all of us who have lost loved one's and she will be sending me an invitation soon to attend...

She tried to alay my concerns over Mum's care and whether more could've been done and whether the coroner missed anything but the fact that they did not raise concerns or request an inquest as she says thay are experts in such matters.  They also issued a certificate allowing the cremation to take place. Once you are cremated you cannot question how or what the causes  of death are and it would not bring Mum back...

Then as I was near the charity shop, even though I compalin about the cold usually, this time I purchased a couple of shirts that were rather nice at at 99p each they were a bargain...

Then I made a quick call into the supermarket to get some things for my store cupboard. If I could've walked home with the shopping it was like getting it for free but I had admit defeat and order a taxi...

But as I only used it one way and avoided it earlier I still saved a little...

I found I was tired when I came home so I haven't managed to tidy today as planned but I can catch up tomorrow. There's not as much as there was to do...I lay on my bed and fell asleep. My energy seems a bit low today...

I feel mainly ok but am a bit mixed up, I suppose it will happen like this...

Well, I'll go and take those meter readings, I'm slightly late tonight and then perhaps get on with that jacket potato(which I have had)I added some chutney, followed with a creme caramel desssert and a small fruit juice...still using what I originally was giving Mum.

Now laid on my bed listening to the radio and typing on the laptop...on the radio is an interview/documentary about the singer Engelbert Humperdinck, Mum would've enjoyed that, that's what's so strange to think that I can still listen to his music and Mum bless her cannot and just as Mum was looking forward to the Queen's celebration in June, I think this year with Eng representing the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest I think she'd have been watching it this year too.

This Has To Have A Post Of It's Own...Halogen Ovens Again...

I have been talking of investing in a Halogen Oven and been spoilt for choice. This may seem to big for a single person(or is it?) I'm eating less which is saving money anyhow and as a lot of what I eat can be cooked quickly in a microwave, a frying pan with olive oil, in a pan with water. The latter two on a hob.

In some ways if I had a halogen oven, a microwave combi and one of those small gadgets that have a couple of hobs, the electric oven could probably done away with although in my little analysis I haven't allowed for items that need grilling...any ideas?

But the review and price and accessories offered plus free replacement bulb that is said to be  easy to replace(new bulbs cost £10)

What does anyone think of this? I suppose regarding my readers and those who leave comments I am depending on Carol.  :-)

I am very tempted...but an oven is big, do you always have to cook large amounts? Can you cook smaller meals? Then again, it could be good  if you are planning on cooking, splitting what you've cooked to go into a freeezer to be reheated another  day?

Andrew James Halogen Oven

How I Fell In Love With Halogen Ovens

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Highlight Of My Day...

A walk around the local supermarket...I forgot to see if they had any trainers but I only got a taxi one way so that wasn't too bad...and tomorrow if I can avoid using a taxi when I go to the shoe shop what I save will pay half of the cost of the trainers...If I can avoid another day where I use the taxi that's my trainers paid for...

I spent quite a bit tonight but I have more items for my store cupboard...when I see some of the food stores others have mine looks like nothing...then again there is only myself, I assume the larger "Over the top" food stores have to feed a couple of families...or perhaps they are part of a cooperative and they share  what is bought with neighbours/friends/family. I wish that I could use a cash and carry...now that's where you really save.

When I came home today from the CAB, I had cereal, fruit and milk. Tonight it's a pizza. I think it's too big so I am going to halve it, put the other half in the freezer. I have never ever bought what could be said to be a traditional platter type pizza before.

I may just have some bread with it. It only takes 5-9 minutes to cook a full one so perhaps a little less time for half a one.

I bought some more belly pork, some more cooked chicken thighs(10 for £3)I have discovered that I can heat them up in a microwave so I don't have to eat them cold. I have purchased some more tinned items for the store like plum tomatoes, sliced mushrooms, new potatoes, cereal, orange juice, small bottles of water but I have done that to get the bottles(as I saw something on the internet)where you could make some fruit smoothies up, put them in the fridge using these bottles ready to drink)

I purchased a new energy saving bulb for the landing, some shaving gel, a found some living leaves lettuce which you cut as you need them(Buy one, get one free)so that was like getting them for 50p each rather £1 and I repurchased some cauliflower cheese. However, I looked at some the jacket potatoes with cheese and thought I can do my own as cheap or better than what they are selling them in the shops...

I was looking at some of the recipe books but though I probably could work out the portions so many never give any guide what measurements to use if you are single and many are aimed at serving 4-6 people but with the amount of homes where only one person lives it would be great if they gave some of that information alongside the larger portions...

I don't think I'll buying any more cookery books, if anything I may return some to the charity shops because even if I still try to do some interesting meals and vary the ingredients they are still quite basic...

I think a book or a TV series for one or a couple could be quite popular.

I Was Going To Eat My Chicken And Cauliflour Cheese...

Tonight(It's a couple of days over)and I don't believe that food goes off as soon as a date comes around but's the difference between "Use By" and "Best Before"

I mentioned it to the computer person and he said "Don't risk it!" "Bin it!" So maybe I will. I reckon I've lost approx £3 by doing so but that's not much and better I don't kill myself or get food poisoning. Think I'll have a walk out into the sunshine and have a little walk around the local supermarket. Then perhaps I'll come back and finish the house tidying and vacuum some more...or start a fresh tomorrow, I can work at my own pace.

As I said I have moved everything into the front spare bedroom and I can close the door on it. And the rest of the house is acceptable...

I was charged £60 for the repair so with the DVD burner that was replaced approx a week ago that's £95 I wasn't expecting to part with...That could've gone towards my halogen oven :-)


If I cannot do anything about Mum's probate and I have no appointment now with the CAB until June 12th I will try and avoid getting stressed or upset about things until then...I did say try...this advisor had no knowledge about probate etc...and they knew that was one of the main things that I was wanting to discuss.

Tomorrow, I'll think about phoning the Funeral Director and see if I can put back the scattering of Mum's ashes for a while...I am sure that I heard they can be kept for some time(in some cases they have been kept for ten years)I'm not envisaging them being kept that long...and though I said I wouldn't, perhaps I will have to bring them home...and decide what to do...even if I ask to return to the crematorium to lay them to rest at a future date...

The CAB Was Running Late...

Lack of rooms being the main problem. They had sent over a specialist to help with my problems(mainly financial)and after an hour...I cannot say that I was helped at all...

So they are sending another person said to be even more expert at dealing with questions as  I am asking but I now have  to wait for another 3 weeks!

So for now I am no further forward but as it's difficult to get to where the *CAB is based I had to  use a taxi and I am £8 out of pocket! Oh well...

(*Again for readers outside of the UK...The CAB is a free advice service for people having legal/financial problems)

Got Distracted By The Computer And Other Stuff Today...

so I had not eaten all day...

Tonight I had a big bowl of cereal, Honey Loops with banana, strawberries and semi-skimmed milk. A Mug of coffee. Then I woke up and made myself two bread buns, one covered in smoke mackerel paté and the other was tomato and cheese. Followed by a drink of water.

I eat when I feel that I want to...

Hopefully I get my PC back today and I go and see the CAB for advice around 1pm...

I have almost got the house all tidy and vacuumed and all the sacks of rubbish and stuff now in the spare bedroom. Thus it's not on show and not cluttering up the other rooms...

I hear that we are in for some hot weather over the next day or two...you watch I'll be complaining and wanting to put my electric fan on but will avoid doing so to save on the bill...haven't seen much sun so far...

Monday, May 21, 2012

Three High Profile...

people in public life have sadly passed away with cancer, the last one will always be controversial for many reasons but it's a ghastly disease and unfortunately statistics suggest we'll all either know someone who has it or we'll get it. I have now lost both my parents to it. I believe they say one in three is the average, in this household, it's been two out of three so far. :-(

Last week it was the singer Donna Summer, this week Robin Gibb and Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, the person they say may/may not have helped bring down the aeroplane over the Scottish town of Lockerbie.

I don't know enough to have an informed opinion.

However, I can remember not long after Mum went into the nursing  home, the headlines on the magazine with the Daily Mail screamed out that Robin Gibb had beaten cancer and the Dr's were amazed. I thought that he was tempting fate. Even if to some it might offer hope. I have found that magazine by chance, it has a great big photo of him on the cover and  in big lettering the headline says..."All Clear! Robin Gibbs amazing recovery from cancer. This was published on March 31st 2012. Approx 7 weeks later.

Like Mum, he's been a fighter but in the end the situation was so similar by what it said on the news...they were trying to build him up by feeding him because he'd lost so much weight, they say he had developed pneumonia, it does seem to go hand in hand with cancer.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

If I Use The Gas And Electric Really Sparingly...

like now, and I really am being very, very careful. 12 units of gas and 28 units of electric per week I will come in around the same amount annually as VQ who posts here and I cannot see a way to reduce it further.

And if it keeps rising in price(and it will)and money gets tighter I'm not sure where we'll end up. If I am not helped with the rent and community charge at some point(in work or out of work)I don't know where I'll be...

Anyhow, my calculations come out at approx £930 annually for the two. If I have to put it on longer in Winter that could see my figures out considerably.

What A Pain!

When I can ill afford any extra expense and am worried about my finances...my main desktop computer has failed me. And I keep getting the blue screen of death! I have tons of stuff on the hard drive which I could transfer to the other spare desktop pc if I could find a usb cable with the same ends, so far no joy. 

The main worry being I don't want to lose all my favourite sites that I have stored in my browser or my email contacts.

I cannot work out  how to set up my e-mail on this laptop so will be depending on my pc repair man, I think he's coming out tomorrow around 2pm. 

If something has to go wrong...it will go wrong!

In the mix up I think that I have managed to disconnect some external hard drives and in the process I am unsure which adaptor is for which hard drive so that may cause further problems especially if the voltage is different...I hope I don't lose all my mp3 music files again because of that, I did once before!

So I am away to tidy my bedroom to create space for when he comes tomorrow...he'll probably take it away. And I am still looking for a usb lead.

I don't suppose I'll get on here much today now and if I don't get the e-mail sorted I could be missing for a day or two...

I hope he doesn't charge too much for what needs to be done.

If any of you have the e-mail addy which has 48 as part of it that still works on this pc so it should still be possible to reach me. And seemingly my blog is still up and running...

I'll see you when I see you!

I Might Become A Hypocrite...

I don't plan to listen or watch any coverage of the Olympics being held in the UK. It may be difficult to avoid as many broadcasters and programmes will feature it in some form. However, the torch will be coming through my town and only a few streets away.

I haven't decided whether to stay indoors or venture out and see it pass by and possibly try to take a photo for my blog or even a little video using the camera...you can do short movies with my camera.

I Cannot Believe That I Have...

just eaten a creamy mushroom, chicken and rice dish at almost 2am but hey I only have myself to please and I don't keep to specific times for meals...I eat when I eat.

But I'll tell you what I found whilst shopping tonight and OK, one packet costs almost as much as what I pay now for a day's meals 75p($1.12)but if I can portion it out, it should be great. I am managing to feed myself daily on a budget of approx £1-£2($1.58-$3.16)most days.

Remember those Angel Delight's that once were very popular with children perhaps they still are. They've brought a new selection out that has Ice Cream in the title and when I have read the back of the packet after you mix it with milk and whisk it you pour it into a plastic container, freeze it in the freezer and it becomes like freshly homemade ice cream. So I'm looking forward to trying them out when I have room in the freezer to put it. When I bought them I didn't know you had to freeze them...

I think Mum might've enjoyed them.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Now How Did That Happen?

One thing is baffling me...
It seems the average use of electric but I am using it very sparingly is 4 units per 24 hours. I cannot seem to get it lower than that and for 2-3 hours of gas central heating around 2 units. But I have been taking daily readings from the meters and tonight when I took the reading from the gas meter and compared it to last night's reading, it said I had used 1 unit...

But I haven't had it on for around 48 hours so I don't understand how that unit has been used. As far as I know a meter only moves if you are using what it supplies. It's probably me...

Having Filled The Fridge/Freezer...

I have been looking at the great site that is Money Saving Expert and in particular the forum area.

One part has become quite interesting to me and that is about ways to be thrifty and save money and I am convinced myself that having a stockpile of food and household goods with long sell by dates on is a good idea...

I am going organise my kitchen cupboards better...make certain they are fully stocked of canned items and dry food stuff(you know the usual stuff like baked beans, soups, tomatoes, tuna, salmon etc...)

Lots of things like coffee, tea bags, squash, soft drinks, water, long life milk, cereals and porridge etc...

Toilet rolls, soaps, deodorants, washing up liquid, liquid washer and softeners on offer or not as expensive as others, cleaners for wiping down surfaces and sponges etc...

I don't really need shampoo, I haven't much hair to warrant buying it. Some washing up liquid would probably do the trick but I have found some baby shampoo, baby bath and baby lotion costing between 9p and 18p for each and ingredients wise it has nothing harmful in it.

I don't use the dinning room any more and as that has the fridge freezer and a tumble drier it can become more of a storage room for items as mentioned above.

When I First Saw Mum Having Difficulties...

I should've overrode the Nursing Home and called a Dr in...why did they not do so even if he'd said what we feared was happening was going to...I mean I spotted Mum shaking or making what seemed like involuntary movements on the Friday morning(or was it the Saturday)and the overnight nurse told me not to go anywhere.

Mum did not ask for the morphine in the end but was given it. I took what they were doing as the right thing because they care for the elderly and they always had said that they would call in a Dr if needed...Why did I take their word. Mum might've got home, Mum might have rallied. The fact she became well enough to leave the hospital after having a blood transfusion and surprised and pleased them, perhaps Mum could've fought off the pneumonia with some help. The fact we were told the cancer was slow and Mum would pass away of natural causes or old age is pneumonia classed as other causes?

I am unsure just how far the cancer had spread even if the coroner put that down on the death certificate and that was put as the second cause... pneumonia was the first.

Did they get Mum out of bed enough, did I request that she was sat up more than she was. As said before I never heard any difficulty with her breathing not until the last day or so, even then not was is called the death rattle and no cough only sometimes after drinking. That should have been mine or their clue to call in a Dr? Was my cousin right but he was going by his wife works in a nursing home herself?

I have had a better day until now, why can I not let this go? Why does it still haunt me. Why cannot I not lose this guilt?

I have memories of Mum and yet not specific events come to mind or conversations we had. I cannot even remember her voice. Is this normal, will it ever come back? I cannot remember as much as I would like about my Father so perhaps it will always be this way :-(

You are all going to get tired of me going over old ground but I suppose this is still to be expected as it is early day and part of the grieving progress...

I'll tell you one thing Mum was able to do and even when in the Nursing Home as clear as a bell...and it was prompted by it coming on the radio when they were discussing the French election...she could sing(in French)The French National Anthem - La Marseillaise.

Sadly it all happened to quickly to Mum...had she survived until the Monday and I could've got a Dr in I wonder if things might've been different, why did I take the advice of what our equivelent of the NHS Direct service gave me and not call a dr in? The only thing is had I done so Mum passed away approx only 60-90 minutes after I had spoken to them so it probably was too late. A Dr probably could not have got there in time...

Can A Solicitor Give Advice That Could Be Wrong?

unknowingly or given in such a way that it is sort of correct but done so that they can make more money from you because you are naive or at your most vulnerable.

You may remember that I was told that probate can take 6-9 months(to some extent that could work in my favour)as unless my situation changes due to what our Government plans regarding changes to welfare, I would still be entitled to all that I have been until I come into Mum's savings, then things will change.

Either for a short time or perhaps forever.

However, I was informed that I would have to attend an office possibly as far away as Newcastle Upon Tyne(that would mean having to travel quite a distance)to swear an oath that what I have put on the claim for probate is true to the best of my knowledge.


Therefore costing money to travel to/from the town and then probably more cost to reach the venue.

Another fee was mentioned that I may have to pay. Suggesting that I could be more out of pocket than if I let them deal with the claim and all legal matters.

Remember they are talking of charging approx £3,000 to handle Mum's estate.

The forms arrived today to allow me to..."Do it myself!"

What jumped out at me immediately is that the first form says that I have up to approx 24 months to submit the forms so I don't have to act immediately(and I could probably claim that I was waiting to see if anyone wanted to make a claim on her money)saying that they were owed something. Which is what that legal representative was doing when they said it could take 6-9 months to have everything go through even if they do it on my behalf.


The other thing that jumped out from a quick read of the forms is that apart from a fee of £2(or was it £6) per additional copy of documents)once its all been sorted, the only other fees to do it without a solicitor seems to be £105 to the Probate Office paid by cheque or Postal Order.


I can swear an oath at a local solicitors office of my choice(thus avoiding going to)Newcastle or somewhere else...and that will cost £5.

If I have read all that correctly I will pay no more than approx £130-£200. Even if I still lose out because I have to pay full rent, utility bills, food and community charge, I would still rather have an extra £3,000 of Mum's money than handing it over to a solicitor.

I would say that wouldn't I but for the small amount Mum had, I think I should be allowed to keep it for emergencies and to make my life more comfortable so that if I need to buy things I am not struggling to find the cash or go cap in hand to our Government for help.


It is unlikely that a miracle will happen and my health will improve but  the criteria you have to meet is to become more difficult to meet, and reapplying does not Guarantee the help you receive now, will still be given to you. And that's what worries many the most.

I'm sorry if I start to have another rant again(and I sound like a broken record)this is more born out of worry and uncertainty about about the future. The worry that if things change I may be left without a roof over my head.

Of course all may be well but none of us know...so if you are tired of me saying the following...skip the rest of this post...I give you my permission :-) I have linked to some articles that offer more detailed information and to be fair and avoid my biasness, some do put the opposite view.

Instead of making people spend what may be the one time they have some extra money to help improve their lives and they may never ever get the chance to accumulate again is it fair to make them spend it and have it go down to a point where you have hardly anything behind you to act as a safety net and you are "Poor" and wholly dependent on the state.

Of course I can see that you need to put a threshold in place where you have to try and support yourself but £16,000 is far too low in this day and age whether you work, are retired or ill/disabled.

In many cases this is money that is unlikely to be added to and it will stay static or will be spent, not on luxury items(and they ask for receipts and proof of what it is being spent on)they can still see what you are doing with it. That extra money could mean that you can leave your heating on longer or perhaps buy better food to help your health.

Such a windfall is often given to you and often the only way you'll see any extra money. The fact that you have been unable to save yourself shows that you are genuinely struggling and because you have been claiming proves that.

Under the new legislation that is being proposed(and it will be passed, I cannot see how it could not be)on numbers alone)if many find their benefits taken away, such money may be needed to stop a person losing a roof over their head(even temporary)or to provide some income whilst an appeal is made against a decision that can take 6 months or longer. Especially because so many cases now go to appeal.

As I have said earlier most claimants are genuine and if they had the choice of taking Government money or being able to survive on savings or be fit and healthy so they are not in the situation they find themselves they would. Few are working the system and no one likes having to go "Cap in hand" and jump through the ever increasing hoops you have to jump through to get it!

We keep hearing that they want to make work pay and that you will be better off financially in work than out of work. How many jobs pay a decent wage? Especially when you take off all the things that people have to pay when working...such as the cost of travelling to and from work, tax, possible things you may have to buy to do your job(many firms make you pay for your uniform/tools etc...)and other costs are incurred that I have not thought of, I am sure...

Many jobs do not pay what you could call a decent wage so it is still topped up by Government help or you still have to apply for help to pay the rent on your home etc...so the Government is still having to offer welfare. Most people are only earning a minimum wage. Employers should be paying what can be called a decent "living" wage but often duck out of their responsibilities.

When working you may break even or could be £5-£10 better off so technically you are financially better off. So they have not broken their promise. That won't take long to swallow up with the way bills keep rising.

You know that you are in troublewhen a Government minister says that they hope to strip half a million people classed as disabled of their benefits but in particular that it could include people who have lost a limb(perhaps a leg)and what particularly upset many was that this statement included ex servicemen who were disabled because they fought on behalf of our country(though I think there has been some back peddling on this since it came out in the media).

I am only talking about the benefits I have knowledge of, there is much that I do not know about.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Not Exciting But I Have Eaten More Today...

Toast, marmalade and coffee this morning.

Two sultana scones with strawberry jam for teatime.

Some mugs of coffee and lemon squash throughout the day.

A cup of vegetable soup a few minutes ago.

And I am about to have a sandwich with cheese, cooked ham, tomato, lettuce, chutney and egg.

Followed by a creme caramel for desert. And some ice cream too.

I forgot to watch Blockbusters at 8pm so whilst I am able(in the next day or two I won't be able to)I am going to watch the repeat at 9pm...then I may have an early night.

Apart from coming on here to download some items, I hope I sleep well, when you sleep its as if everything as it should be...until you wake up. Or I may listen to some music from abroad.

Because I am not always sure I can use all the milk I buy, I have started using long life milk and powdered milk. Once opened it is used like fresh milk anyhow and until you need it, it doesn't fill the fridge. At present I have 15 litres of milk in the house! With dates going up to October...

Sometimes It's As If Mum Never Existed...

Now, sadly Mum is only a name. As Mum's name is removed from bank accounts, utility bills and anything else where her name was, even the name disappears. She lives in my heart and mind and when I go, she is no more...the photos I have won't mean anything to anyone else, there's no point trying to take any of myself.

I don't need to see myself and who would want photo's of me, I always wanted more of us together and had she not taken ill I was going try and ask someone to take some.

All that remains are some clothes and costume jewellery, if I ever give them away to a charity shop there is nothing.

Then again, I don't really have anything belonging my Father and a lot of his story is lost because the relatives are not alive.

Like the story that I only half remember where his Father who though he worked as an engineer in the local British Rail Engineering Shops was also known as a singer and I seem to remember seeing a business card for his Father once that said that he was a baritone or something. That my Father was a good artist and he'd drawn something and it was sent in to the conductor Sir Adrian Boult at the BBC and some letter came back saying how impressed he was.

That my Father wanted to go into the RAF in the war but his job was seen as being vital to WWII. That he wanted to go into psychiatry but circumstances stopped that. He was classed as an electric welder but he did so much more. Many people in the town found themselves working for the same engineering works and when it finally closed it hit the town hard.

My Father's mother died either giving birth to him or soon after and it's said that the stepmother was the arch typical "Wicked" stepmother. And when he could he got out and lived with one of his sisters who was married. She used to stand waiting for him coming home from work to take his wages off him. By then his father had passed away. It seemed to happen an awful lot. What happened to any personal possessions or keepsakes of the family heaven knows...

It's sad that my Father having had to retire early and having purchased a new car and with plans to do all kinds with Mum only managed a year before dying of cancer. Even his own brother who mad a life living in Surrey and commuting into the city each day on a train to Waterloo and then to Bond Street where he worked his way up to manage Fenwicks. He again only managed a year or two before he too passed away. And then his Brother's wife did not live much longer.

But the strangest thing is just before my Uncle died he had the urge to come back to his roots and see all his realtives and he motored all the way on his own...and I cannot remember why it came up in conversation here but he brought up that stage production/film "Oh What A Lovely War! and he lost it and started to cry.
Wish I could remember why, there was obviously much more going on...

I cannot remember how long afterwards(but it wasn't that long)I understand his wife had made him a cup of tea to take back to him in bed and when she returned he'd passed away.

This is a sad post...

But even if you compiled a family tree and found out who was married to whom and the children born, that still is without any human story about who the people are. And as I have no little Gildy's and its not likely our side of the family is no more. There are no heirs. Dad's brother did not have any children so again no heirs. And most of the remaining lines are where Mum or Dad's sisters married and had children so they don't carry the same surname and its the start of another branch. We've died out!

And as I keep changing the utility bills into my name  or close down bank accounts(I did it again today when I was out)you feel as though you are wiping out all traces that Mum existed. Its a horrible feeling...

It Would Appear That My Home Is At It's Coldest...

mid afternoon...and I am quite cold as I sit here.

So though its not very nice outside, I think I'll have a look out for an hour. The highlight of my day...a walk around the charity shop and supermarket. Trying not to use the taxi...

You know that I have been buying the "Every Day" range of goods that Tesco's have brought out to try and get a variety of household goods and food but save money.

I have said that one item has been out of stock for almost a fortnight and though there is a space for it I don't think they've ever had them in stock or perhaps once and never again. What is it? Good old fashioned Corn Flakes. Unless they are so popular they go as quick as they come in...

Here's a good question I haven't seen answered anywhere...

You can buy ready meals like shepherd's pie with vegetables, gravy and mashed potato on top. You can cook it in a microwave or a conventional oven.

If you have browned your own mince, cooked your veg, have gravy and some mashed potato to put on top. Could you(to save using a conventional oven and save energy)put it in a microwave and cook for the same length of time as you would one purchased in a supermarket? Or should it not be put into a micro?

Tell You What I Have Found...

If you like what I call the real "Easy" listening type music that isn't heard much on our radio these days. If you have broadband, streaming of radio doesn't use a lot of your allowance and especially if you have unlimited access to the internet and you could probably listen to ten hours without noticing what has been used. Especially if the bit rate is low.

You can find just about anything.

In the case of Iive 365 there are no ads or they are few, they tell you what is being played on the screen and each piece of music is playted without anyone talking over the music.

The one I have taken to for now is called Music From The Blue Light. If you'd like to hear it click on the name of the station shown in blue...

A great selection of easy listening hits and standards, with Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Sarah Vaughan, Ray Conniff, the McGuire Sisters, Johnny Mathis, Dean Martin, Andy Williams, Henry Mancini, Nat Cole, Peggy Lee, many more.
But I suspect that they play the same selection for a few weeks and then update with new material so if you listen a lot you may have to seach another station out...

Slept Well Again...

and was nice and warm. I did have a mug of coffee and some toast and marmalade and went back to bed(I had no idea when I got up that it was only 5.30am)

I am reasonably bright and calm. I seem at my best when on here, listening to the radio or resting in bed(Though some will say I am sleeping my life away)

I feel at my loneliest and saddest when trying to watch tv programmes and often find myself losing interest half way through what I am watching or if a person or programme comes on that we watched together, I find it hard to accept I am watching it alone or I think what a pity that Mum can no longer do so.

Mum would have liked the new Blockbusters...I watched a documentary about the BBC's "Doughnut" TV Centre that is to be sold off in 2015 and saw all the people we used to watch reminiscing about the programmes made there and the time they spent there...again bringing back memories.

The other night Mum would have enjoyed the radio documentary about Perry Como and next week there is a special on Englebert Humperdink but I have to try and still listen and stay interested because I like them and I suppose I doing so for Mum too.

No doubt I will still have times where no matter how many years pass by I will lose it but it will ease. But hey, my time is passing by too. And I cannot change that either. Oh dear!

I guess you could split our time into three sections...I've had my childhood and teen years...my middle years and now its the "twilight years" but for many of us I suppose 50 is the new 40, only I'm half way through that at the end of the month.

It's strange, my grandma amost lived to be 100, her sister 103 and yet all the girls(Mum and her sisters) passed away so much younger, if we'd spotted Mum's illness sooner I think Mum probably could have reached such a milestone. She was such a fighter and proven how fit she was surviving a fall downstairs and a hip op. I still can't forget the consultant saying what Mum had was slow and it could probably be controlled and kept localised. Its that damn pneumonia, I still wonder if my cousin was right.

But I'm off on that train of thoiught again. But you know, in her final days Mum's temperture had caused some concern and she was sweating a bit when in bed. Maybe that shows something could've been done. Why did I not call a Dr in? Or the home? Maybe some antibiotics could've cleared up the problem. But we'll never know.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I Slept Well And Felt Bright This Morning...

Quite well into the day...but I have realised that I have had a nightmare...I had that dream again about being on holiday in Bournemouth where we never seem to reach the beach and sea, no matter what we do and we usually return home without seeing it but I have a very vague memory that I may have had a dream with content which was very morbid but I haven't enough of a memory to really know what was going on.

But I think there were some bodies hanging from a ceiling. I don't get dreams like that. I rarely remember what I dream at any time. I don't remember this waking me up though...

A Friend Of The Family...

attended Mum's funeral(today I thanked him for doing so)I think I have caught everyone that attended so I can avoid putting anything in the local free sheet.

He lost his wife approx a year ago with...sadly with cancer. Coincidence, both Mum and his wife were both called Kathleen. He had problems with her care(like us)

But he is a big believer and he says Mum is with his wife in a better place and he gets comfort from that thought. He still misses his wife and still weeps buckets and he needed bereavement counselling, he talks to her, has photo's around his home and writes a letter to her every day(he told me on the phone today)

But like me he is struggling financially. He said he puts two hot water bottles in his bed at 8pm and he says they are still warm in the morning...That's a thought. And to avoid using some of the cost of a light bulb and I suppose you have to be careful doing this he uses those tea lights(He called them night lights)so he has some light for safety.

Sometime to think about he says that they last for around 3 hours before they go out. I'd have to see what I could put them on as they can get quite hot...

If I lit them at midnight and they went out around 3am, it is soon daylight again but one energy saving light on the landing shines into all the bed rooms and the toilet and bathroom even the stairs if I leave the doors open so that probably uses little in the way of power and is probably safer. And one light is doing so much.

He says that he pays £50 a month with N Power for gas and electric, if so that's cheaper than what I may end up paying with EDF...perhaps whilst I am deciding to go with EDF and have a cooling off period and am taking the meter readings, I should ask questions of my current suppliers.

Now, his daughter is disabled(I believe uses a wheelchair and she is given quite a few benefits)it appears that she is a beneficiary in a will and is to receive approx £16,000 and she has to accept it, if she doesn't the DWP will ask why she has refused it(for people reading outside of the UK, that is the Government Department that pays out and decides if you are entitled to state help)

Not unlike myself, it is going to push her over the line where she receives help and so to make it last a little longer she is going to have to move to another area and a property that doesn't cost as much and then even if she spends it, when she reapplies for state help, they have told her that she may not get benefits for six months and then because the benefits are changing there is no guarantee when she reapplies she will fit the criteria for what has replaced what is available now and some of them will no longer exist. Its the last part of that worries most of us the most.

Not coming off State help and having to use the money that you have come into but wondering if you can apply and be awarded it again. It would be lovely if when you get some extra money, they would allow it to used towards those emergencies that always come up or just to make a life a little more bearable so you might be able to replace items that wear out or need repairing or perhaps put the heating on more often. Or possibly so when you retire, there is a little bit of a safety net. £16,000 doesn't go very far these days. Whether you work or don't work.

If they'd allow you to keep such an amount you might not have to ask for so much help from the State in the future. If it was £50,000 or £100,000 I might understand their reluctance. I'm not sure that many these days will ever be in a position to have such an amount in savings...especially if you cannot work or you keep losing your job and have to keep using your savings up.

Believe me, if I could stop taking help and having to jump through all the hoops to get it, I would...Most of those who have health problems would feel that way. Occasionally, though its unlikely that I'll win, I have taken to buying the odd lottery ticket. And I have gone for the one that offers the biggest prizes played across Europe. I have avoided scratch cards so far.

DLA(Again for people abroad)is kind of payment to help with daily costs that being ill incurs, it might be to get a taxi somewhere if mobility is bad, help towards heating costs, something to help you get around your home etc...)supposedly to try and give you some interdependency.

From next year, it is given a new name and becomes something else and is reduced by 20% before you get it.

If you are really poor and now receive Income support(that is going to be coupled with Job Seeker's Allowance)and again be harder to get. JSA for readers abroad is another benefit given whilst you try to find employment and again you have many conditions attached to obtain it. And the Government keeps saying they want work to pay so these benefits many think are generous are anything but...

But a lot of this is not being reported in the media so many of those affected are worried, being stressed and are walking into the changes blind...

The only way anyone really can survive on State help is if everyone in a household is doing all that they have to be entitled to it perhaps there are are two or more living in the household(perhaps adults and children who are of working age)and they pool their money together. But a couple or a single person really struggles.

I was told of another change that is coming in that will affect pensioners in a year or two...

They say they'll raise the State pension to £140 for a single person(and that was welcomed by many)but that will now push a married couple over a certain amount income wise and so where they might have been entitled to extra help, they will find a lot of that withdrawn and then using the increased pension they will find themselves worse off so they probably would have been better off with a lower state pension as they'll be spending more of it.

I hate talking about money matters...but for many of us it is a big part of our lives and our future...